NO SUCH THING AS A RIGHT TIME TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”, SAYS JAY

When to break out those three little words for the first time is probably agony for a lot of women. Putting them out there means the relationship either graduates to the next stage, or ends forever. When’s the right time to say it? Should you be the first to? And what if he doesn’t say it back?

I learnt, while in acting school, that when you’re in character, you shouldn’t gesture or make any moves until you can’t stand still any longer. That strategy is meant to bring out the most instinctive reaction.

And my declarations of love have always followed a similar logic. Rather than plan and wait for the right moment, my first-time “I love yous” have been largely spontaneous, erupting from my lips like a belch I didn’t even know was coming.

For the most part, the reactions of the women on the receiving end have been positive. Except for one, who looked terrified. Let’s just say that didn’t work out.

Some time ago, sitting across from a new girlfriend, and scarfing messy tacos, I listened to her wittering on about how she preferred mildly hot sauce to super-hot sauce. I realised I was happy – and more importantly, contented. Maybe the margaritas were making me sappy, but before I knew it, the words “I love you” spewed from my lips. The declaration was out there, for better or for worse.

I was terrified. She smiled, but said nothing.

Six months later, she returned the sentiment.