The four attachment styles

Each of the four attachment styles has its own set of traits and characteristics. It’s important to note that individuals may not neatly fit into a single category. With only four broad classifications, one may not identify with all the characteristics within their attachment style.

1. ANXIOUS

(also referred to as preoccupied)

Individuals with anxious attachment do not avoid relationships, but they often have a fear of rejection and abandonment. Hence, they often seek constant assurances and validation. They may also be highly sensitive to criticism, as it may indicate to them that their partner does not appreciate them or may leave them for someone better.

Characteristics include:

• Has a strong fear of abandonment or rejection

• Thinks highly of others, but suffers from low self-esteem

• Appears jealous or clingy, have a poor sense of boundaries

• Sensitive and attuned to partners’ needs, but are insecure and anxious about their own worth

• Requires constant reassurance that they are loved, worthy and good enough

2. AVOIDANT

(also referred to as dismissive)

Individuals with avoidant attachment may find it challenging to build meaningful relationships due to the fear of intimacy. They tend to be less emotionally invested in their relationships with partners, and tend to develop a strong sense of independence instead. Hence, they are more guarded in sharing their thoughts and feelings with others, including romantic partners.

Characteristics include:

• Avoids relationships or emotional intimacy as a way to protect themselves from potential hurt

• Uncomfortable with expressing feelings

• Prioritises independence so much so that it limits emotional connection with others

• Have a hard time trusting others and might present as closed off or dismissive

• Might consider their partners needy if partners seek emotional closeness 3. DISORGANISED

(also referred to as fearful-avoidant)

Individuals with disorganised attachment demonstrate inconsistent behaviour and find it hard to trust others. As much as they want to be loved and accepted by others, which results in clinginess at times, they may also push others away on other occasions. These behaviours would be confusing or contradictory to their partners.

Characteristics include:

• Craves love and intimacy, but fears hurt and rejection

• Afraid to let people in and doesn’t trust easily

• Worries that even those closest to them might hurt them

• Finds it challenging when it comes to dealing with emotions

• Can be unpredictable and contradictory in relationships

4. SECURE

The three attachment styles covered so far are insecure styles, characterised by the difficulties when it comes to cultivating healthy relationships. In contrast, individuals with secure attachment possess a healthy template for how they view intimate relationships. They trust their partners and view them as reliable. They are also able to feel safe and loved around their loved ones.

Characteristics include:

• Able to communicate openly and honestly in their relationships

• Understands there’s a mutual love and trust in their partnership

• Emotionally available and able to regulate emotions and seek emotional support

• Knows how to balance closeness and independence in a healthy way

• Able to manage conflict