EDITOR’S LETTER
A few days back, I attended a special luncheon. “In celebration of International Women’s Day, Longchamp and Crib are pleased to present ‘My Journey’, bringing to stage the personal journeys of four prominent and inspirational women,” the invitation read.
Hand on heart, I attended not expecting to like the event as much as I ended up doing; I expected the usual “lean in” stories and success secrets, but the four women who went on stage instead shared with such refreshing openness about the unseen struggles along the way. I’ll recount the simple stories that stuck with me:
Loh May-han, a consultant anaesthesiologist and lecturer whom I’d always assumed had been a straight-a student, shared how she never scored well in school – and not for lack of trying – and barely scraped through her A levels to get into medical school. As a practicing doctor sitting for her anaesthesiology specialisation exams, she was plagued with doubts: “What makes me think I’d pass this time, when I’ve failed five times before?” Well, she did pass, but concedes that she wasn’t the best version of herself to those around her while cramming for the tough exam.
I became a bit emotional when Nadya Hutagalung – she of the perfect face and body that gained her fame as a model and MTV VJ – shared how, as a 20-year-old single mum, she left behind some eight years of abuse when she fled Australia under police escort. “I decided to never allow myself to ever be in that situation again,” she said. The devout eco-warrior told me she was really okay in the aftermath, because she never saw herself as a victim – which made me admire her even more.
As women, we almost never want to show ourselves vulnerable, but Paige Parker was frank about the gnawing hurt from now-husband Jim Rogers’ barbs when they fought during their 1,101-day around-the-world road trip, as recounted in her book Don’t Call Me Mrs Rogers.
(He wouldn’t get away with talking to her like that these days, she affirmed.)
And professional car racer Claire Jedrek shared how, staring down into a bowl of flowers through the face cradle of a massage bed while nursing a broken heart post-breakup, she imagined the flowers as her loved ones who caught her tears – and shifted from self-pity mode to being determined to better appreciate those around her who cared for and supported her.
During that lunch, when asked by Tjin Lee, co-founder of Crib Society, who my female hero is, I could not pin down anyone in particular. There are many things I admire in different people, I explained, and I prefer to be gender-blind. I feel most strongly feminist when I explain and champion this stand: Why can’t we look up to someone based on his or her achievements or character as an individual and a human being, and why must gender factor into our perception?
Having said that, I do realise how privileged I am to be able to even profess a preference to being “gender-blind”. As a product of Singapore’s ideology of meritocracy (putting aside the glass ceiling or gender wage gap for a moment), I’ve enjoyed education and opportunities in life that many females in the world do not. I’m not a fan of affirmative action, but I do understand why it’s still very necessary. And contrary to my previous simplistic statement, women anywhere who make it – however big “it” is – in spite of disadvantaging circumstances linked to them being women are heroes in their own right.
It’s our Empowerment issue, and we mark International Women’s Day this March. This issue is dedicated to everyone who’s stepped out to pursue a dream, stepped up to impact another’s life, shared a story or been a listening ear – whether you’re holding up this half of the sky or the other.