WHO’S YOUR DADDY

I’ve been told that I am quite the mummy’s girl. Many people say our eyes make us instantly recognisable as mother-daughter or – and this gets Mummy so turnt – sister-sister. Daddy likes to say he still only has eyes for her. But let’s be real. I did notice his wandering gaze that time he sat next to Auntie Lydia at a ball. And he was just too obvious that other time at a Prada event, when Auntie Mary had a mini wardrobe malfunction. Thank you, next.

Speaking of wardrobes... Mummy and I share. She already has everything she wants from Spring/summer, so these days, I’ve been putting things on hold and she goes in the next day to pick them up for me. She always tries my stuff on for the gram and gushes to everyone about how good I am at finding cool stuff.

But of course. I have to work hard to give my 75.2K followers newness. My friends and I are at every launch and party to flex our coolest stuff, and I’m a real customer, not one of those influencers who wear loaned stuff. Yes, I do get lots of free stuff too, and oblige my favourite brands by doing unboxing Stories if I have time. But if you’re not a vip customer, you won’t get first dibs on the best stuff.

But one store really gave me salt at a recent launch event. If its new creative director wasn’t slaying right now, I would totally boycott the brand. My sales assistant ( from the flagship store, no less) had told me that Singapore would get just one piece of the season’s hottest runway bag and promised I was top of the list. But the brand decided to hold an event at a store in another mall instead, and make the bag a boutique-exclusive there!

By the time my girls and I finished posing for the event photographers, there was already this girl – rather underdressed for the neon-lit event – cradling the bag. An exclusive client of the brand and a nano‑influencer, I was told. Undeterred, I cracked a plan to get a photo with this it bag. I made small talk with this girl – let’s call her Jane – and gushed (genuinely) about her bag. I touched it, I fawned over it and, on cue, my friend asked if I could take a photo with it.

Jane couldn’t decline a simple request like that and handed the bag over. So I did my usual routine for the camera: strike my signature pose, toss the bag casually at my side while giving my best rbf, strut around the room, etc, etc. I must have lost track of time – and the owner of the bag. By this time, everyone would think that I owned the bag, so I had to at least try to make it happen.

I spotted Jane’s approach on my visual horizon. I had one shot. “Hey, babe, I’ll pay you retail price for the bag. Actually, my mummy – no, daddy – will pay you. It’s a deal, yeah?”

Jane gave me the sweetest smile and said, “Ah, yes. Your daddy is the same as my daddy – he always pays. We don’t have the same fashion dna, and I think you like this bag much more than I do. Take it, it’s yours!” Yass, come to Momma! Mummy will be so pleased!