Squeezing pennies from fake words

When “I use a word”, Humpty Dumpty told Alice, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.” Deliveroo seems to be quite his equal as a master of verbal control. A list of do and don’t terms for managers, seen by the Guardian, stresses that the couriers start the day not signing in, but “logging on”. They are not workers, staff or team members but “independent suppliers”. They are not hired but “onboarded” (which is, of course, not a word at all, and deeply ugly to boot).

They agree to availability instead of accepting shifts; their branded outfits are “kit” or “equipment” rather than a uniform. The website urges people to “ride with us” and “join the Roo community”, as if applicants are seeking a group of fellow sports enthusiasts.

Business jargon is sometimes a sign that those using it are not really sure what they are talking about. At other times, it is evidence that they know all too well, and hope to make things sound better than they are. Taco Bell calls its entry-level staff “food champions”, as if tiring, low-wage work can be elevated by the grandeur of its title. Changing a name is free; improving pay and conditions costs money. Redundancies were renamed as downsizing, then as rightsizing or optimising or rewiring for growth.

Deliveroo’s case is somewhat different. The terms appear to be designed to fend off claims that the couriers are employees, a growing issue given the string of legal challenges to gig-economy companies whose business model depends on using self-employed contractors rather than employees (and thereby avoiding such inconveniences as holiday or sick pay). But the bottom line is really the same: it is all about the bottom line.

“When I make a word do a lot of work … I always pay it extra,” Humpty Dumpty concluded. When Deliveroo and other firms do so, it is language that is diminished, and only the firms that profit. London, April 6.