Pigs will take to the skies if it is Ramaphosa who speaks

Time is running out for those who want Cyril Ramaphosa to present the state of the nation address on Thursday. I do believe I am going to see pigs in the sky that day. What will pigs be doing in the sky? Come on, work with me here! They will be flying, of course.

Another thing I am going to see, I think, is President Jacob Zuma giving the state of the nation address, albeit to an almost empty house. I suppose what the parliamentary security services must decide is whether it is wrestling, judo or kung-fu moves that are the most appropriate for the maintenance of parliamentary decorum. Opposition parties, particularly the EFF and DA, must decide whether to boycott or turn up to make a spectacle of themselves and then be transported violently out of the house.

Poor Ramaphosa and his divided house will have to choose between sitting demurely and joining the fracas.

For the National Assembly speaker, the decision is much simpler. What level of bias will be appropriate? Is it the 2014, 2015, 2016 or 2017 level? Or does she have to upgrade to the post-Zuma level to satisfy the ANC’s Ramaphosa benches?

I have already hinted that I’d be very surprised if the address were to be delivered by an interim president, as surprised as I would be if that interim president turns out to be Ramaphosa. Why is it so difficult for Ramaphosa to recall Zuma? I say Ramaphosa because many seem to think that is the only bullet point in Ramaphosa’s job description. To them, Ramaphosa is the Black Panther. He will kill Zuma, the Guptas, corruption, Ace (pronounced Eish) Magashule, state capture, corrupt and incompetent members of Zuma’s Cabinet, unemployment, poverty and inequality with the agility and ferocity of a wild cat. If he fails, they will say The Buffalo packs the kick of a pussycat. So what is Ramaphosa afraid of?

As I indicated two weeks ago, Ramaphosa does not want Zuma’s exit to be messy because the consequences will be his to manage. But, as the Chinese say, if one wants peace one must go to the heart of the trouble. I know what Ramaphosa is thinking as he wastes two minutes of his busy political life reading this column: “What if the occupants of the heart of the trouble are kamikaze pilots?”

I feel him. Ramaphosa, like me, did hear Magashule telling an eNCA reporter that the Zuma matter must be handled carefully because Zuma is still the president of the ANC and the country. Goeie genade! If Zuma and his disciples are indeed kamikaze pilots, Ramaphosa and his supporters should be concerned. They must be scared because this means that they would have no qualms about crashing into the pillars of the ANC, the country and our democracy.

To the extent that Zuma and some of his closest allies are being pushed into a corner, is there anything that is outside the realm of possibility regarding their choice of weapons? I suspect not. Therefore, I am not ruling out the possibility that, in defence of their interests, intelligence may become their biggest weapon, even if the consequence is the destruction of the integrity of individuals in the ANC, the private sector, civil society, the state and the judiciary.

More important though is the fact that the ANC is not the centre. It is an organisation of multiple centres, some of which are at war with one another. But Zuma will not be president forever.

HE WILL KILL ZUMA, THE GUPTAS, CORRUPTION, ACE MAGASHULE, STATE CAPTURE … IF HE FAILS, THEY WILL SAY THE BUFFALO PACKS KICK OF A PUSSYCAT