Beware the deadly cabbage that ends coaches’ careers
Things I have learnt and/or had confirmed in the past seven days. The umpire who had a run in with Serena Williams was born in Africa. Kanye West is an utter prat. Liverpool will be the death of me.
The Springboks may just be finding their way. Bruce Grobbelaar doesn’t look bad for turning 60. But all of these mean little next to the news that if you want to get rid of a coach, chuck a big vegetable at him.
The last one first. Steve Bruce was an ugly player when he was at Manchester United. Solid, strong, but he was cursed with a nose that had more offramps than the M1 South.
As a manager, he has seen the ugly side of the sport, brought in to shore up teams in danger of relegation or to drag them back up to the premiership. He was supposed to do that at Aston Villa, but then one fan got the hump after they lost again and lobbed a cabbage at him.
The Guardian reported that “the vegetable in question was thrown by an old man who removed it from a white plastic carrier bag and threw it towards Bruce with an angry roar of: ‘This is what you’ve reduced us to!’”
The old man’s throw did not connect with Bruce and he thus became “the latest in a long line of men affiliated to the club to miss the target at Villa Park this season”. Bruce was fired by Villa not long after. Death by cabbage.
David Seaman, whose surname will forever make me laugh harder than his moustache and ponytail will do, did a one-up on the cabbage story, saying: “I’ve had all sorts thrown at me. Condoms full of urine, bottles full of urine, fireworks, rocks, loads of coins … but the worst thing was a dart! I was substitute for England, and while I was warming up a yellow dart with a full-on metal point went over my shoulder and landed in the goal mouth.”
Pat Symcox once had a chicken thrown at him during a World Series match at the Melbourne Cricket Ground in 1997, as well as golf balls and glass bottles. They came from the notorious Bay 13 area on the South Stand, where Australians go to drink the day and night away.
Jacques Kallis was hit by a tennis ball filled with water. SA won the match that night. Symmo has always liked chicken and golf.
They breed them tough in Africa. No nonsense taken. The New York Times attempted to interview Carlos Ramos, the umpire who took no nonsense from Serena Williams during the US Open final and docked her for rules violations. Ramos did not want to be interviewed.
He is, according to those who know him well, not a man who seeks the limelight, but sometimes it finds you when you least expect it.
Ramos was, according to the New York Times, “born in Mozambique, the son of a Portuguese aircraft maintenance technician. When he was young, he and his family were forced to leave their home after Mozambique established independence from Portugal in 1975”.
Ramos was a very ordinary tennis player. He trained hard and a lot, but nothing can make up for a spark of talent. He loved the sport and so he turned to umpiring at the age of 16. He was always a stickler for the rules with a “laser-like focus”.
He had a speech impediment, a lisp, which a mentor told him might affect his on-court authority. So, he had an operation and “learned to speak again”.
There is a good chance he and Williams may see each other again. He may even umpire her match. Stranger things have happened.
Kanye West wants to be known as “Ye” these days, as in “ye of little faith” and “ye stupid git”. He also wants to set up a meeting between Colin Kaepernick, the man who stood up against police brutality and discrimination, and Donald Trump, who stands up for nothing but himself and not paying taxes.
West is a Trump fan. West is a deluded egomaniac with a Jesus complex and little understanding of history or the world around him.
West and Trump have the intelligence of the cabbage thrown at Bruce.