Let’s raise our glasses to sobriety
• Sober Curious Movement allows people to question their relationship with alcohol, not necessarily abstain from it
For those who may be considering putting the bottle down, the idea can feel quite daunting. For many others, it’s almost unimaginable. Sobriety is associated with boredom, inability to have fun and the removal of what seems like an essential way to connect with others.
During the festive season, filled with end-of-year functions and family celebrations, sobriety can feel especially excluding and isolating.
I had the same preconceived ideas of sobriety. I grew up in a private-school environment where drinking was completely acceptable for anyone over the age of 14. It was all fun and games until my use skyrocketed after a tragedy I faced, resulting in the abuse of alcohol and drugs so recklessly that I ended up going to long-term rehabilitation in October 2019.
Though I was mainly using on my own at the peak of my addiction, the thought that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy a drink haunted me during my year-long programme.
“I perceived the life I was giving up as a sacrifice ... [one] I would rather not have made. I couldn’t see the benefits of starting again, of getting back to basics, even though it was allin-an attempt to regain control and work towards having a normal life — if not something greater. The gain of this experience would be so much bigger than anything I’ve ever known. Uncertainty and dread filled me as I couldn’t imagine living a life full of colour and excitement while being sober and clean. Sobriety, in my very narrow-minded opinion, meant I was doomed to a boring and plain existence,” I wrote in an essay published by US publication The Good Trade.
I have never felt more myself than I have while in recovery. I was pushed into a corner to get sober because, at the time, my life truly depended on it. There was no way out if I didn’t want to end up dead. But many others around the world are making the choice to quit drinking for reasons other than substance abuse.
The Sober Curious Movement is a fairly new concept and was first coined by Ruby Warrington in her 2019 book, Sober Curious. In her podcast, she mentions that being sober curious is questioning one’s relationship with alcohol and not necessarily about immediately abstaining from alcohol. It revolves around curiosity and while some may stop drinking completely, others may decrease their alcohol use while exploring the dynamics of their relationship with the substance.
“Growing up in a society where we have what I call a ‘dominant drinking culture’, whether or not we become a drinker, often does not feel like a choice — and my goal is to make it as normal not to drink as it is to drink, by removing the stigma that exists around conversations about sobriety and addiction,” says Warrington.
Andrew Huberman is a US neuroscientist and host of podcast The Huberman Lab. He has done extensive research into how alcohol affects the brain and affirms the stigma around sobriety. “Alcohol is the only drug where if you don’t do it, people assume you have a problem,” he says.
In an episode titled “What alcohol does to your brain, body and health”, he goes into detail about the negative effects of alcohol, even if one is a light or moderate drinker.
“Alcohol is a known toxin to cells of the body. Zero consumption of alcohol is going to be better for your health than low to moderate consumption of alcohol... I would like you to consider the negative effects of alcohol in literature or that have been documented. For instance, the negative effects of alcohol on the gut microbiome, the negative effects on the stress system and the fact that even low to moderate levels of alcohol consumption can increase our levels of stress when we’re not drinking and [it’s beneficial to acquire] some tools that can help you with stress regulation which don’t require alcohol consumption.”
While looking for people to interview on this topic, the responders were between the ages of 22 and 67, two of whom have never consumed booze because of the awareness of addiction in their genealogy. Every story is unique and shows the many reasons people decide to embark on a journey of sobriety.
Mbali Ndhlovu, 36, is the founder of Sober Curious Socialites, a Facebook page that has amassed more than 1,200 members since its conception in 2019. She created it after embarking on her own sober curious journey, where she felt that, as a heavy drinker in a creative environment that welcomed such, she was not living up to her full potential and decided to take a break to get a clearer mind.
“The break that I took was actually so great that I wish that I ’ d done it sooner, I just felt so many more benefits of not drinking than drinking. I just wanted to be a better version of myself and be more connected to myself.”
Zakithi Buthelezi, 32, is the product of a prestigious boys’ school in KwaZuluNatal, an environment where drinking is the norm and even encouraged. Buthelezi has recently celebrated one year of sobriety and says he quit for reasons similar to Ndhlovu.
“I was more of a binge drinker, so it took a long time for me to recognise the unhealthy traits in my own relationship with alcohol. I would have big sessions once or twice a week, which would take me out for days (worst babalas). Aside from a long-term relationship ending as a direct result of drinking, I reached a point where I wanted my life to develop and grow on a consistent trajectory.”
Then there’s Stefanus de Villiers, 67, a copy editor for a magazine. It took him many years to establish that alcohol was no longer serving him.
“My body has, to a degree, lost its ability to break down the toxic effects of alcohol. Hangovers got progressively worse over the years. I also had quite a few blackouts, where I couldn’t remember if I had eaten the night before, or what time I went to bed. I once slipped and fell badly at the backdoor at night, partly because the steps were wet after a rain shower, but mostly because I was intoxicated. I broke a bone in my upper arm and tore several ligaments. The operation to fix me up cost over R80,000, and I don’t have medical aid. My wife, a nondrinker, constantly urged me to drink less or give it up altogether. On 26 September 2023 I chose the latter option and I have been sober for over 70 days.”
For Ndhlovu, the benefits of sobriety have exceeded her expectations. “In the first two weeks of giving up alcohol, I actually enjoyed real sleep and I had a natural body clock so I’d start waking up nice and early. I have a lot of gratitude for my life, I’m less suicidal — I was at an absolute low in my life and deeply depressed. The fog in my head cleared up, my skin cleared up, I had natural energy, I was able to focus on some tasks. It was really nice to have clarity. I’m able to be very intentional with the people that I’m around, with the spaces I go into. If you struggle with being consistent in certain things, there is one thing you can control, and it has such a profound impact on your life.”
Remaining sober while in social situations can be difficult, even for those who have been alcohol-free for years. However, with the movement gaining more traction due to more individuals detailing their sobriety experiences on social media, there is pressure for society to shift to one that is more inclusive of non-drinkers.
Millie Goch is based in the UK and the founder of Sober Girl Society. Earlier in December, she hosted an alcohol-free day festival for women called Dry Disco. The event was held at the renowned Ministry of Sound club in London and included alcoholfree beer pong, a room sponsored by Kylie Minogue and a boozeless bar. “We decided that we wanted to show people that you can still party and have fun without alcohol.”
Alternatives to alcohol this festive season are many.
“Devils Peak Hero Lager is, in my opinion, the best nonalcoholic beer around. Honourable mention goes to Bitburger. Other than that, lots of water and orange juice will be consumed this summer,” says Buthelezi. Platforms such as Pinterest and Instagram are also great resources for alcohol-free cocktail ideas.
If you’re feeling particularly curious, join others in reframing what fun traditionally looks like. Visit a book shop, go for a walk or treat yourself to a spa day — all while being hangover free.
And for those who will be celebrating with a drink in hand this festive season, be sure to make use of the Uber app.
ALCOHOL IS THE ONLY DRUG WHERE IF YOU DON’T DO IT, PEOPLE ASSUME YOU HAVE A PROBLEM