Time to be bold and name holiday National B Day

IOFTEN wonder who decides what is to be celebrated or remembered on every day of the year. The Catholics have it relatively easy because almost every day of their calendar year is officially dedicated to a particular saint. But who decides, for example, that next Tuesday will be the International Day of the lesser spotted Patagonian weasel, or International bunion day, or whatever?

I was pleased to celebrate National Braai Day yesterday, even if that wasn’t its official name.

The braai is truly a part of our heritage, whether you’re a West Coast fisherman putting a bokkom on the coals, a Kalk Bay mama braaiing a salted snoek or a Mpumalanga farmer braaiing a nice fillet of wildebeest. In the Karoo we always braaied marinated lamb chops and springbok liver wrapped in “netvet”, for which there is no translation.

I think of other heritage items that are traditionally South African and many of them begin with B.

There’s brandy, for example. It became our national spirit drink when the Voortrekkers headed northwards. A barrel of wine was an impractical item to store on an ox-wagon, and besides, wine went off far too quickly.

A small cask of brandy lasted for a long time, didn’t go vrot and could be used for medicinal purpose. Some people allegedly took their own snakes along on the trek, because brandy was known to be an effective cure for snake-bite and it’s a waste to have a cure but no ailment.

Another nationally important item beginning with B is the bakkie. That’s about as South African as you can get. Everybody, from the farmer to the furniture dealer, needs a bakkie.

In Australia they use “utes”, for utility vehicles,” and in America they have “trucks”, but neither country regards the bakkie with as much reverence as South Africans do. Kids go to school on the back of bakkies, builders carry their workers to the building site on their bakkies.

If you need to take garden rubbish to the dump you need a bakkie. If you need to take your fridge to the dealer for repairs, you need a bakkie. The only thing against having a bakkie is that all your friends decide to use you as a free transport contractor.

And don’t forget that other precious item of heritage, biltong. With a stick of springbok biltong and a sharp pocket knife in you pocket you can survive forever. The Americans may have their jerky and the Inuits their pemmican, but biltong is our national snack.

Maybe we should change the name of the holiday to National B Day.

Last Laugh

At the end of Heritage Day, a mini-bus pulled up at a service station for petrol. Inside were two exhausted adults and six screaming, bouncy kids.

Wanting to cheer them up, the petrol attendant said, “Lovely day, sir. Were you at the beach? Are all these kids yours? Did you have a picnic?”

‘Yes,” said the diver wearily, “they are all mine and believe me, it was no picnic!”