‘Socially skilled, but enjoy being left alone’
A FEW years ago introverts finally started to be understood.
No, they are not shy or miserable. Yes, it is draining when you constantly ask them “what’s wrong?” And really, introverts are powerful.
All of this and much more was detailed in Susan Cain’s 2012 book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
The founder of the organisation Quiet Revolution, Cain (an introvert!) also gave a blockbuster TED talk that has been viewed almost 14 million times.
And now she is tackling the issue of introverted children and teens in her new book, Quiet Power: The Secret
Strengths of Introverts. We spoke with Cain to try to shed some light on how to help introverted children thrive. What exactly is an introverted child?
It really has to do with where you get your energy. They can be socially skilled. But they enjoy being alone or doing quieter things, or hanging out with one close friend at a time. Introverts tend to have their batteries drained by loud activities. The book is focused on shyness as well as introversion, but it is important to distinguish the two. Shyness is about fear of social judgement. You are prone to feeling embarrassed and just think a lot about how you might come across.
As an extroverted parent, especially, how can we help introverted children thrive?
The first piece is to understand more about them and what they really need to be happy and successful. It begins with understanding their nerve biologies. Introverts have nervous systems that help them react more to stimulation. When they tell you that they want to go home from a party, that is probably their body feeling physically overwhelmed at that time. This is really not a preference. And it is worth knowing that you, as an extrovert, react less to stimulation. When there is not enough going on, you feel bored and sluggish. It is normal for you to want to be much more hyper in social situations. It can be really hard to imagine someone so close to you who really experiences things so differently. What is the day like for the introverted child?
Know that going to school every day is very battery draining for introverted children. They want to come home at the end of the day and recharge their batteries. How is social media changing the way introverted kids function? How should parents deal with it?
It is helpful in the sense that it gives an introvert ways of communicating without being at the party. But at the same time, of course, it turns social life into a 24/7 operation where everyone is constantly evaluating each other. What are some of the clever ways teachers include introverted students?
We have created a Quiet Schools Network where we are working with teachers all over the country to understand how to harness the talent of the half of the class who is introverted. Other techniques include think, pair and share. What could teachers or parents do better?
Take pupils in the first grades of high school and prepare them for public speaking.