The future sure looks bright… thanks to laser eye surgery

WHEN a colleague walked into the wine-tasting room, everybody realised something was different, but couldn’t spot exactly what it was.

“You’ve had your hair cut,” said one. “Nope.” “Is that a new cap?” asked another. “Nope.” “You’ve shaved off your beard.” “Nope. Haven’t had a beard for two years.”

Eventually everybody gave up and said: “Something’s definitely different about you. What is it?”

“I’m not wearing spectacles,” he said. and everybody went: “Aaah! That’s it.”

We had all become so used to seeing him in glasses we forgot they were not a natural part of his face.

He definitely looked different without them.

He explained he had had cataracts removed from his eyes since we saw him last, and had had new lenses fitted.

He now saw perfectly well without the assistance of spectacles, although he might need to use a pair of over-the-counter reading glasses at times. He’d bought a pair at the local stationery shop.

We kept glancing at him throughout the meeting and wondering at the change that had come over him.

He said the procedure had been quick and painless. He’d been out of the operating room within half an hour and he would probably not have to use spectacles again for the rest of his life.

“It’s certainly much less traumatic than going to the dentist,” he said.

The rest of us looked at each other dubiously, all through spectacles.

I wondered if we had just had a glimpse of the future.

If eye surgery is now a matter of an in-and-out procedure that restores near perfect eyesight, why would anybody opt for a lifetime of wearing spectacles?

Anybody who wears glasses will admit they’re sometimes a bit of a pain in the butt.

They slip down between the pillows, they get lost in the car. You leave them in the cinema and you forget them on the sideboard of Aunt Annie’s dining room.

The dog uses them as a chew toy, your grandson sits on them and cracks them and the cat swipes them off the bedside table into the waste-paper basket. If you can exchange all this trouble

is the Jewish word that describes it exactly) for half an hour of discomfort and a lifetime of clear vision, you’d be crazy not to opt for laser surgery.

I have a suspicion eye surgery is about to become “the next best thing,” as we trendy people say.

Will the future be a world where there are no spectacles?

Will we look at old movies and nudge each other and say: “You notice how they’re all wearing spectacles?” Just as we now say to each other: “Notice how all the movie heroes smoke cigarettes?”

Last Laugh

The sign in the baker’s window advertised: “We bake cookies like your mother used to bake: R5 each.”

Across the road a rival baker put a sign in his window saying: “We bake cookies like your mother thought she used to bake: R10 each.”