‘Derivatives’ in the diet of earthworms

THE PRICE of food is going up at such a rate I may be forced to look into the pet food section to survive. I looked at the ingredients listed on a sachet of cheap cat food and was intrigued to note it contained “meat, poultry and fish derivatives”. The label described it as “chicken flavour cat food”.

I wonder how the manufacturers know what a chicken tastes like to a cat. (Actually, I wonder how many cats know what a chicken tastes like anyway.)

I imagine the “derivatives” consists of the beaks, feathers, skin, eyes, sinews, fins and other bits that are trimmed off when preparing the food for human consumption.

I don’t think we need be disgusted by the “derivatives” in our pets’ food. After all, humans eat the strangest things around the world and mostly seem to thrive on them. What might seem like a derivative to me could be a gourmet feast to a Mongolian connoisseur.

My brother, who lives in sheepdog country, once admired the dogs belonging to the local vet and remarked on their excellent condition.

“But I guess you get all the expensive balanced dog food at wholesale prices,” he said.

“No,” said the vet, “my dogs live on mealie meal porridge. That’s all they need.”

When my brother expressed surprise at this, the vet admitted: “Well, occasionally they get off-cuts from patients that didn’t survive.”

Shock and horror? Not really. In the greater scheme of things, we are all food for something else. And all living creatures end up as food for worms.

Whether it’s a carrot or a kangaroo, a geranium or a giraffe, it came from the earth and it will eventually return to the earth.

We could regard our planet as a giant worm farm, with each of us merely acting as “derivatives” in the diet of earthworms. When the worms have finished with us, we move on to be the food of plants – and I sometimes suspect that might be the most valuable contribution some of us ever make to the well-being of the planet.

I think I may just have persuaded myself to switch to a diet of Kitty’s Delight and Doggy Nibbles.

And mieliepap, of course. That vet must know a thing or two about a healthy diet.

Fishy meal

Talking of interesting diets, I was fascinated to read a story about a Japanese restaurateur who bid more than a million dollars for a bluefin tuna in the opening sale of the fish market’s season.

He will end up selling sushi from that prize fish for more than R1 000 a portion.

People will pay the price, of course, because people will always pay ridiculous prices, but I can’t help wondering how much better a R1 000 slice of fish would taste than a R50 one.

Or do you buy it simply to say you have experienced a R1 000 mouthful? If that’s the case, I can prepare you a R1 000 plate of mieliepap and cat food any time you like.

Last Laugh

I heard recently of a man who moved into a bachelor flat and later remarked that his kitchen was “so small, all I can have is shortbread and condensed milk”.