Have you heard the one about the hard-working Saffer?

IT’S A funny thing about South Africans and productivity. Here in our country we tend to think that foreign nationals are the ones to employ, as they are reputed to work harder than our local folk. But when South Africans move overseas they’re in quite big demand because they’re reputed to be harder workers than their local people.

Maybe the further from home you are, the harder you work.

There’s a doctoral study in there for somebody.

I recently wrote about my relative who found work in a typists’ pool in London and ended up doing the work that was previously handled by five typists.

That’s typical of South Africans overseas.

A friend recently visited Israel and was walking along a street in Jerusalem with an Israeli guide late one night when the Israeli turned to him and said: “If you’re ever lost in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv late at night and need to find somebody who speaks English, just look for an office window with the lights on. Go inside, and there you will find a South African.”

Strange, then, that we all knock off work early on a Friday afternoon when we’re here at home, and spend an hour filing our nails and adjusting our make-up before starting work in the mornings.

The Zimbabweans and Malawians don’t do that when they work in South Africa, and South Africans apparently don’t do it when they work in England or Israel.

It’s a strange world.

No Bones About it

We columnists love bureaucrats because they’re a delightful source of funny stories that would be completely unbelievable if they didn’t come from bureaucrats. Where do they find these people? A friend who is an archaeologist was taking a case of dinosaur bones to an international palaeontology congress in America recently and arrived at the customs check-out.

The following exchange occurred:

Official: “Your package contains fossils, right?” “Right.” “I’m going to need the manufacturer’s name and address for our records.”

“No, these are fossils. There is no manufacturer.” “So who makes these fossils?” “Fossils are not manufactured. They’re formed over millions of years.” (Silence) “Basically, I suppose you could say God makes fossils.”

“Can you please give me this person’s name and address?”

“I don’t think you understand. Do you know what a fossil is?” “No.” “Do you know what a dinosaur is?” “No.” “Have you never heard of T-Rex?” “Uh… okay, yeah. I’ve heard of that.” “Well, T-Rex is a dinosaur. Dinosaur bones become fossils over time. They are not manufactured.”

“(Silence)… okay, so I’m going to have to refer this matter to Fish and Wild Life.” A few days later, the box arrived at its destination unharmed.

Last Laugh

An Englishman went to America and was persuaded to join the neighbourhood baseball team.

He went in to bat and, to everybody’s amazement, he hit the first ball right out of the stadium.

Everybody stood amazed, including the Englishman. His teammates began yelling: “Run, run!”

“Oh, I say,” he murmured, “no need to run away. I will gladly refund the cost of a new ball.”