Feeling spoilt for choice in the land of ‘loonies’

ONE OF the interesting things about visiting any foreign country is finding different brands on supermarket shelves. Here in Calgary I walk down to the local store every day and find myself wasting an awful amount of time looking for quite ordinary things like bread and milk. Not only is the packaging different, but the products are not the same as those we get back home.

Milk, for example, comes in a bewildering range of forms. I have not found the equivalent of our “full cream milk” anywhere so far. I can get fat-free, 1%, 2% and 3.25%. In addition, most styles of milk come with “added vitamin D”.

I am told this is because most Canadians get far too little exposure to sunlight during the long, frozen winter. They make up for it by having vitamin D added to their milk, which is already homogenised and pasteurised beyond all recognition. I have decided to go with the flow and settle for 3.25% milk with all the trimmings.

Bread also comes in a vast range of styles, but so does ours back home, I think. The main difference is that here it seems half the population are “gluten-intolerant”, so you get them all gluten-free if you’re that way inclined. They even sell gluten-free doughnuts and scones.

I notice they are more honest than we are when it comes to eggs. They simply rate them as small, medium and large instead of our daft classifications of large (for small eggs), extra large (medium) and jumbo (for large eggs). Canadians seem to prefer white eggs to brown ones. I find white eggs look a bit anaemic. They are probably lactose-free or something. Give me an honest brown egg every day.

My family tell me if you want to feel at home when shopping in Calgary, you have to go to SA Meats. Here you can buy proper boerewors and biltong and thick steaks for the braai. More important, they stock Ouma rusks, Marmite and All Gold tomato sauce and proper tinned stuff labelled “Koo”.

It’s staffed by solid Afrikaners and frequented by half the doctors in Calgary, most of whom have names like Van der Walt, Prinsloo or Venter and had their training at Groote Schuur or Tygerberg.

I had the news that our currency has been downgraded to “junk” status, so I’m pretty sure there will be even more doctors leaving our shores and heading for Canada now. Nobody wants to spend six hard years studying medicine and then be paid in junk money.

The Canadians refer to their one dollar coins as “loonies”, but they’re worth more than 10 of our rands, so there’s nothing particularly loony about them (actually, they get that name because the carry an image of a loon, which is Canada’s national bird).

From the meagre news I get from home here in Canada, I can’t help wondering what kind of country I’ll be coming home to. Will our rand be called “junkies”?

Last Laugh

“How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?”

“None. They don’t make nappies small enough for light bulbs.”