Modern-day banking by numbers is not much fun

BANKING has changed beyond all recognition in the past couple of years. Well, it’s certainly changed for me. I used to walk into the local branch of my bank and be greeted with a cheerful: “Hello Mr Biggs, how are you today?”

I was a client: a real person. I had a name.

Now when I go to my bank I don’t have a name. I don’t even have a number. I am issued with a numbered ticket at the door and told to go and sit down, along with a crowd of others, all clutching numbered tickets.

I have no idea whether I am at the front of a queue or near the back. I have no idea even whether I am in a queue or not. I sit obediently like a well-trained puppy until an electronic voice announces: “Ticket number 12 to Teller 4.”

Teller 4 doesn’t recognise me. I am just Ticket number 12 to her. I don’t even get: “Hello Ticket 12. How are you today?”

It’s completely impersonal. I am just a random number dealing with random numbers on a computer screen. I tried to be friendly and say: “Good morning, Teller number four.” Not even a smile. I have discussed this with my friends and so far not one of them has said: “I prefer the new way; it’s so efficient.” Without exception, all have said: “Isn’t it a dreadful experience going to the bank? So cold and impersonal, I try to avoid going there.”

Maybe that’s the whole purpose of it. Clients are a nuisance. They must p**s off. Numbers are less trouble.

I was interested to hear the other day of a restaurant that doesn’t accept bank cards. I phoned to book a table and was told: “You do know we don’t accept cards? Cash only. It’s much easier that way.”

I was a little taken aback but later agreed it was a good way to do business. You eat, pay cash and leave. There’s no paperwork, no chance of being told: “Our machine is off-line” and no chance of anybody cloning your card when you’re not looking.

From the restaurateur’s point of view, there’s no waiting for the money to be paid into an account and no bank charges.

I’ve heard many horror stories recently about people losing all their money through bank fraud and card scams.

The good thing about old-fashioned cash is that even if a robber holds you up, he can only take what you have on you.

A card scammer can take everything you have and all your savings, and your mother-in-law’s booze money as well.

I wouldn’t be surprised if cash money makes quite a significant comeback soon.

I’m thinking of keeping mine in a shoebox under my bed.

I’ll check for scammers regularly.

Last Laugh

A young woman said to her friend in the café: “I hear you’ve broken off your engagement to Charles. What happened?”

“Nothing, really,” said the friend. “My feelings towards him are just not the same as they were.”

“But I notice you are still wearing the diamond ring he gave you.”

“Oh yes. My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed at all.”