Always drive as if a steam-roller is speeding in your direction

THERE’S a complex set of “rules of the road” for ships at sea, which explain exactly who has right of way in almost every conceivable sea-going vessel.

I find it significant that at the end of the rules there’s a paragraph that says something like: “Nothing in these rules exonerates a skipper who could have taken any action to avoid a collision.”

We all know, for example, that power-driven vessels are meant to give way to sail-driven craft, but this doesn’t mean an optimist sailing a dinghy can sail in front of the Queen Mary and expect the liner to swerve out of the way.

I couldn’t help thinking of this rule when I read about a level crossing accident in Lakeside last week, when a train smashed into a car that was crossing the lines. Luckily there were no fatalities but the car was pretty much ruined and people were hurt.

My sympathies were entirely with the train driver. A train cannot swerve or jam on brakes in an emergency.

Can you imagine the horror of seeing a car drive in front of your train and knowing there’s no way you can avoid hitting it?

Of course there will be much finger pointing and blame-laying.

The booms that are meant to keep cars off the crossing had been out of order for a couple of weeks.

The driver will probably say: “I saw the crossing was open, so I went ahead.”

But that section of line is as straight as an arrow, and I can’t help wondering whether the driver took the trouble to glance left and right before driving across.

When I come to a set of traffic lights I instinctively look left and right, even if the green light is in my favour.

And if I happen to see a tanker lorry hurtling toward the intersection, I wait in case it’s not going to stop in time.

If there is a horrible crash because I didn’t wait, my lawyer will always be able to say: “It was the lorry driver’s fault, because he didn’t stop at the traffic light.”

Hopefully my estate will receive compensation. Maybe the lorry driver will have to pay a fine.

None of this will be of particular comfort to me, as I will probably be screwed securely in a cheap coffin.

I am constantly reminded of those final words in the Rules of the Road for Seamen.

I don’t particularly care if the law is on my side or if a traffic signal is not working. I care about staying alive.

When I was a teenager and my dad was teaching me to drive he said a very sensible thing. “Always drive as though there is a steam-roller coming towards you at 100km/h on the wrong side of the road round the next bend.” So far I have stayed alive. None of those steam-rollers have got me.

Last Laugh

Harry was on the golf course about to play a shot when the public address system called out: “Will the gentleman on the ladies’ tee please step back to the men’s tee.”

Harry looked over his shoulder and shouted: “Would you please shut up when I am about to play my second shot!”