Doing the ‘right’ thing can be a load of old trout
IWAS once told by a German friend that he had stayed with an English family for a holiday when he was a student and felt they were “testing” him all the time. The British are rather class-conscious and acutely aware of the little things we do that show we’re the “right sort”.
One of the tests he mentioned was being served a trout for dinner and then being watched carefully to see whether he knew the “proper” way to eat it – separate the flesh from the bones, then lay down your knife and eat the meat with the fork only. Apparently that was one of the big tests of good breeding. He found it all rather daunting. I had a similar experience when I was a school kid and sent to spend the holidays with a very “upmarket” aunt and uncle in Cape Town. Coming from a Karoo farm, I was constantly embarrassed by not knowing which knife to use, or how to handle the miniature soup tureen placed on top of my soup plate. It all seemed terribly important to do the right thing. It was a miserable holiday.
I remember an Indian colleague telling me a few years ago how embarrassed he had been the first time he went to visit the family of a non-Indian school friend.
In his home he had been taught to eat with his fingers, but at his friend’s home they served spaghetti bolognaise and he made a horrible mess trying to eat it with his fingers.
We all grow up with different traditions and sets of manners and can very easily feel uncomfortable with the habits of others.
Life is rather more relaxed and less formal today, but I believe there are still social rules.
Table manners? Not many families even have tables now. They eat at kitchen counters or straight from the fridge. I don’t think many people care too much about ”correct” manners.
The teenage son of American friends came to visit me one day and marched straight to my kitchen and opened the fridge to examine the contents. I suggested he wait until we sat down before eating, and he looked genuinely puzzled.
He was not being rude. It was simply what always he did at home. “Why do you want me to sit down?” he asked. “Well, we will be having lunch soon.” ”So?” “We sit at table to eat our meals.” “Gosh! You do? Why? We just grab what we wanna eat from the refrigerator. We don’t need a table.”
At a friend’s house some time ago a young guest became quite indignant because he was asked to remove the earphones from his ears while we ate dinner. He clearly wasn’t interested in the general conversation and saw no reason at all to pull the plugs from his ears.
Last Laugh
A conversation was overheard in a crowded lift: “Lazy? I can’t say John is the laziest person in the world but he’s the only chap I know who has a ‘snooze’ button fitted to his smoke alarm.”