Unlike back in the day, it’s all on the screen

ISOMETIMES wonder how many hours we spend in an average year just watching somebody watching a computer. Almost all modern businesses use computers and that means almost all the customer and client details are stored in computer files. So you go into your pharmacy and ask for a repeat of your prescription and the first thing the assistant does is turn his or her back to you and tap something on the computer keyboard.

Then you watch that back for signs of action and after a minute or two she looks up from that screen and asks, “What’s your address?” You tell her and she tap-tap-taps and then gets up and fetches your box of pills, then back to the computer and tap-tap to print out the label. The whole thing probably takes three minutes.

In the days before computers the assistants had to go to an alphabetic file, pull out your card, write out a label and stick it onto the box.

The whole thing probably took three minutes. So we haven’t saved any time, but spent most of the time watching someone’s back. A computer operator seldom speaks while computing. They concentrate on that screen.

The lady who used a physical filing system talked all the time: “Now, let’s see, where is that card? Ah yes, here it is, and you still have three repeats to go. There you are, sir and have a good day, next please.” See? She speaks. Sometimes doctors are just the same. You go for an appointment, the doctor greets you and immediately looks you up on his screen.

You’re sitting right in front of him, but he sees you as a series of numbers on his screen. “Hmm, I see your blood count is a little high and your celestial periphery is down two percent, but still within normal limits…”

You have no idea what the numbers mean and you’d really like to tell him: “Doc, I feel terrible and I have this stabbing pain in my butt,” but he says the numbers are fine so that’s great and he’ll see you in a month’s time and please pay the receptionist on your way out.

In the bank the teller has no idea who you are or whether you have any money. She taps her keyboard and finds you in there and you watch her dealing with her screen. Eventually her screen says she can lend you the money you need and she issues it. If you painted your nose blue and wore a jockstrap and a pair of bunny ears she wouldn’t notice. On her screen you’re a number and numbers don’t have noses or wear jockstraps.

I sometime yearn… but not really. If the truth be told, I believe we do live in a pretty wonderful age and I wouldn’t want to change it. It’s just important not to take it too seriously.

Last Laugh

The army installed a new billion-rand speaking computer and the operator assured the general it would be able to answer any question he close to ask it. He barked to the operator: “Soldier, ask that thing how far is it from here to the sea.”

The operator tapped in the question and immediately the computer said: “Seventy.” “Seventy WHAT?” shouted the general and the computer replied: “Seventy, Sir!”