My cats boast: Our lawn is the biggest sand box

CAPE Town’s drought has put a whole new spin on the property market. I’m surprised I haven’t seen property adverts boasting: “Neatly paved plant-free garden and filledin former pool.” Or perhaps, “former pool converted into rainwater storage tank”.

I expect to see adverts boasting of “own borehole and pump”.

I look with sadness at the spot where my lawn used to be and wonder what it would cost to install artificial grass there.

My cats would not be impressed if I did. I imagine they now prowl the neighbourhood at night boasting to their neighbours: “I have the biggest sand box in the street.”

Being the festive season, we all seem to be doing more than the usual amount of entertaining and if our guests are from the northern regions like Gauteng or Bloemfontein we start each visit with a quick lecture about the use of water.

“If it’s yellow... etc.” Local guests know the drill by now and instead of asking where’s the bathroom, they ask, “Would it be okay to flush?”

Up-state guests also have a different attitude toward the weather. They return from a morning on the beach, all smiles and comment on the lovely weather.

Their hosts look up at the sky mournfully uttering: “They say there’s a 20% chance of rain next Tuesday.”

When you offer your guests a drink and they say: “Thanks. I’ll have a whisky and water.”

You say, “Rather have it neat, old chap. We’re a bit low on water right now.”

One interesting thing that’s happened in local shopping malls is the number of water sellers that have appeared in supermarkets, and the buyers’ comments.

“You pay R1.25 a litre here? Take a tip from me, they’re selling it for R1 a litre across the way. It tastes just as good.”

I no longer frequent the mountain spring in Kalk Bay. The water may be free but the queue is too long and you can’t find parking within two blocks. There’s another spring not far away and not many people used it because you had to stand in ankle-deep mud to collect water.

I bought a metre of plastic pipe and could get my water there dry-shod, but the spring has dried up and I have a spare piece of pipe for which I have no use.

Meanwhile, some of my neighbours are becoming increasingly indignant at the mayor’s threats to levy a water surcharge.

They want us to pay a fee for something they can’t deliver and then pay VAT on what we didn’t get. Exciting time here in theMother City.

Last Laugh

A DIETITIAN was invited to give a lecture at the local community hall, and after rambling on about the benefits of many kinds of food from bananas to broccoli and whole grains, she asked the audience: “But do you know what the most dangerous food of all is?”

There was a moment of silence, then one man’s voice from the back of the hall said, “wedding cake?”