Oh, to go forward without that word, ‘yummy’

ILOVE the English language in all its many accents and dialects. It is the most amazing form of communication ever developed. Just think of this: you can hear a stranger say a simple sentence like: “Hello there. Lovely weather we’re having,” and immediately you can reply: “Hello. What part of Australia do you come from?”

The Australian, Canadian, Briton and South African all say the words differently. We use the same set of words but each of us uses them uniquely.

I answer my telephone and the voice on the line says: “Hello David,” and I recognise instantly, from just those two words, that it’s Theresa or Alan or Helen calling. Voices and accents are as individual as fingerprints.

Another interesting feature of English is the way it changes as time passes. When we describe somebody as “gay” today we don’t mean what our grandparents would have meant when using the same word 100 years ago.

The word “mad” used to describe insanity. Today it usually means anger, as in: “I’m mad at you.”

Being an old fuddy-duddy, I often grouse about words I think are used incorrectly, but maybe I am simply not moving with the times. I hate the modern expression “going forward”, for example. News readers and public speakers use it frequently when they mean to say “in future”.

“We will have to reduce our water usage going forward.” Why not simply “in future”?

But the one word – or should I say non-word – that is creeping into the beautiful English language like an evil disease is that horrible sound, “yummy”.

Open any supermarket advertising page and you’ll probably see at least 20 foods described as “yummy”.

Yummy is not a word. It’s the sound a mother makes when she is trying to persuade her baby to ingest puréed broccoli. She pushes a spoonful of the nasty green gloop against the poor child’s face, all the while making that horrid “yummy” noise.

Now the world’s grocers have decided we will buy their products if they treat us like reluctant infants. Why? There must be at least 50 normal, adult words to describe a pleasant taste. Delicious, tasty, appetising, tempting, pleasing, wholesome, moreish, scrumptious, mouth-watering and even “nice” are more grown-up than that disgusting “yummy” sound.

I would like to see the y-word banned from the English language, except when describing puréed infant food. But I don’t for one moment think my plea will have the slightest effect.

Language is a living creature and it will develop as it pleases. I can only say “yuk!”

Last Laugh

A young mother was queueing for cinema tickets. When she got to the front, she asked: “How much are the matinee tickets?” “Sixty rand ma’am,” said the ticket seller.

“How much for children?” “The same. Sixty bucks.”

“That’s not fair. The airlines charge half-price for children.”

“So, why don’t you put the kids on a plane and come and watch the movie?”