Memories of the bygone bioscope and scary things

IHAVE only vague memories of the first time I went to a movie (which was generally called the “bioscope” in those days). I suppose I must have been all of six years old and was taken with the family to watch a black-and-white movie in the Middelburg cinema. As far as I recall, the film was called

and it seemed to be all about people dodging about among train lines.

It scared the hell out of me. I grew up near the railway town of Noupoort and knew it was not safe to dart about among trains.

Several of the grizzled, soot-grey men who worked in the shunting yards had fingers missing from not being careful enough when coupling carriages together.

Not long afterwards, I was packed off to boarding school, where we were shown movies once a term in a makeshift theatre consisting of dining chairs stacked up on the tables in the school dining room, while Mr Osborne (geography, shell-shocked after the war) operated the school’s 16mm projector.

I remember seeing which was probably even more scary than and gave me nightmares for weeks afterwards.

Hey, seriously, stormy night, graveyard, scarred face looming from behind a tombstone. Jeez, I’d cover my eyes even today. As the years have slipped by, my movie experiences have improved considerably. Donald Duck did it for me. I loved him, what a feisty bird! Mickey Mouse was a bit of a wimp in comparison and I never really understood his official relationship with Minnie.

In a religious family environment these things can seem quite important.

Doris Day and Bob Hope were early heroes of mine ,too (anyone remember them?). They were clean-living, wholesome folk, I thought.

One name I believe deserves far more recognition that he ever received is that of DW Griffith.

He was the film-maker, back in 1910, who discovered a place close to Los Angeles in California where the natural light was perfect for making movies.

He managed to persuade his bosses back in New York to let him rent a dilapidated barn in which to shoot some scenes from his latest film,

Pretty soon every film-maker wanted to share that golden light, and that was the beginning of Hollywood.

(Here’s a tricky quiz question for you: What was the first movie to be shot in Hollywood? Answer:

directed by DW Griffith.) I still avoid scary movies. Life is frightening enough without computer-generated spooks.

Today every time I see a Donald on the screen I get serious nightmares.

Last Laugh

Times are really tough. Jimmy met the local store manager in the street and said: “Hey man, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to pay my bill again this month.”

“Please don’t worry,” said the shopkeeper, “I just wish I had 20 more customers like you.” “Really?” said Jimmy. “Why do you say that?” “I have 100 more customers like you.”