A retired farmer is best person to run a town

IT TAKES an enormous range of skills to run a city (or a town, for that matter). We need plumbing skills to keep the water flowing to our taps, electrical skills to keep the city’s lights shining, engineering skills to keep our bridges safe, and many more specialised skills. Obviously, nobody can be master of all these skills, which is why the city employs a team of specialists to keep the city running.

The city councillors have to rely on their expertise and accept their word even when they have no idea what the word may mean.

If the council is told, for example, that the city’s water supply is about to collapse “unless we invest in a new two-billion rand aqua-fusible deboolitater plant as a matter of urgency” they have to accept this as a fact.

It’s unlikely that anybody on the council will have heard of an aqua-fusible deboolitater , but one doesn’t like to admit ignorance, so we nod knowingly and say: “Yes. We’d better spend the money.”

And maybe there’s no such thing, but an “expert” recommended it, so we pay.

In almost every sphere of life we are baffled by experts who convince us we need to spend money on things we don’t understand.

I am baffled every time I go into a computer shop, for example. I sometimes think there should be a position on the city council for a city farmer.

I can’t think of anybody more capable of understanding the workings of a town than a retired farmer. A farm is a combination of systems similar to those that make up a town.

Whenever I visit the Karoo farm where I grew up, I am reminded of the range of skills needed to run a farm efficiently. A farmer needs to provide water for his house and his animals, store it and get it to where it is needed.

The farmer needs to be a road builder so he can reach all the parts of his property. He must be a mechanic to keep his farm vehicles and implements running. He needs to know the basics of veterinary medicine to keep his animals healthy, and have a rudimentary knowledge of first aid to care for his staff and family.

From garbage disposal to security, the farmer has to know how it works and be able to keep it working. He can’t call somebody and say: “My toilet is blocked”, or “My road has washed away”.

If an “expert” offers to sell a deboolitater to a farmer, he’s likely to say, “If we need one, I’ll make, whatever it is. Keep your money.”

It’s not easy to fool a farmer.

Last Laugh

After a long, hot journey a retired farmer and his wife arrived at a country hotel and asked for a room for the night. “We’re very full,” said the receptionist. “All I can offer you is our Honeymoon Suite.”

The farmer snorted indignantly and said: “That’s ridiculous. We’ve been married for 43 years.”

“Sir,” said the receptionist politely, “if I offered you the ballroom you wouldn’t have to dance.”