Big Siri is watching you

WHEN it comes to matters electronic, friends regard me with amused pity because I regard all means of electronic communication as slightly sinister. I’m convinced those megabytes and microchips are out to get me. So far, I’ve seen nothing to change my mind.

I was at a gathering recently and the conversation swung from wine to whisky. One of the winemakers made an interesting observation.

“I was chatting to a friend about the various single malt whiskies we liked. A few minutes later an advert for one of those same whiskies popped up on my smartphone screen.”

He said he had never received a whisky ad on his phone before. Coincidence? Of course not. Big Siri is watching You.

Here’s an extract from Siri’s official description: “When you ask Siri the things you say will be recorded and sent to Apple to process your requests.

“Your device will also send Apple other information such as your name and nicknames and the names and nicknames and relationships of people, the names of your photo albums and the names of the apps installed on your device – your ‘user data’.”

It states that all this is used to “understand you better”. So there’s the sneaky little Siri creature crouching in the corner listening to everything you say, all the time.

A less paranoid friend said: “Yes, but Siri only works when you activate her by saying the words, ‘Hey, Siri’.”

It doesn’t require rocket science to work out that, in order to be activated, Siri has to be listening for the command.

I was at a Burns Nicht party earlier this year when our host decided we needed some mood music, so he turned to his phone, which was lying on the sideboard and said: “Hey Siri! Play some bagpipe music”, and Siri obliged.

All the time while we’d been chatting, maybe saying very personal things about people we knew, that sneakily little Siri had been quietly taking it down, possibly making notes, and passing them on to her bosses back at the Apple headquarters.

Who knows what interesting files of personal information are being stored in the back rooms of the big IT companies, ready to be brought out and maybe sold to interested people.

Psst, how much would you pay for a list of the guests at the mayor of Fish Hoek’s birthday party, with their shoe sizes thrown in at no extra charge?

Paranoid? Who, me?

Last Laugh

Big Joe was in court on a charge of assault. “I didn’t hit him very hard,” said Joe. “”it was just a gentle tap.”

The prosecutor pointed to his chin. “Show me how hard you hit him,” he said.

So Joe hauled off and smacked the lawyer so hard it lifted him off his feet and he landed up dazed on the other side of the court room.

As the prosecutor scrambled to his feet, Joe said to the judge, “it was about one quarter as hard as that, your honour”.