PLEASE EXCUSE MY VOCABULARY
never directed at people. I swear at things. I curse the garage door that won’t open properly. I can swear for a minute without repeating myself once if I spill my coffee or break a wine glass. I yell obscenities at the crumpled carpet I’ve tripped over, and I swear at the computer that doesn’t do what I want it to. Mostly I swear at Facebook, which I consider a rude application. Every time I switch on my computer several messages pop on to my screen telling me to “like” something somebody has posted on Facebook. I didn’t ask for this. Facebook asked me to like it. Then, when I try to like it, it demands a password.
Translate this into real life. Somebody comes to me and asks me a question. “Excuse me, can you tell me the time.” I look at my watch and begin to answer the question when the person says, “Stop! I won’t listen to your answer until you sing me a song.” That’s when I drop polite speech and scream at be computer: “You rude effing a***hole! I didn’t effing-well ask to effing-well like any effing photo that somebody’s posted on Facebook. If you want me to look at it, just show it to me, but don’t demand my effing password.”
Computers are smug creatures they deserve the occasional bollocking just to take them down a gig or two. I suppose it’s a good thing computers can’t hear the things we say to them. I’d hate to see a grown computer cry. Last laugh
A boy went up to a man in the shopping mall and asked: “Excuse me, Sir, have you lost a R20 note?”
The man rummaged through his pockets and said: “Yes, I have lost R20. Did you find it?”
“No,” said the lad, ”I just wanted to see how many people had lost R20 notes today. You make it 54.”