PLACEBO CURE FOR HANGOVERS

I OFTEN wonder just how much of medicine is science and how much is fiction. This doesn’t bother me at all. As long as the medicine works I don’t care how it does. A typical example happened to me last weekend.

Regular readers will know that I am not averse to an occasional glass of good wine (and sometimes bad as well) and on very rare occasions I have been known to overindulge.

Now, almost everybody who partakes of the grape has a favourite cure for hangovers. They range from disgusting concoctions of Worcestershire sauce and raw eggs to a simple sip of whatever caused it in the first place. I have found prevention is better than cure, so my solution is to swallow two paracetamol tablets before falling asleep. It works for me. It doesn’t work once the hangover has landed. You have to catch it before it finds you.

I recently helped a friend celebrate a significant birthday and arrived back home around midnight just slightly over-served. Undaunted, I reached for the Panado pack and helped myself to two capsules before falling asleep. Next morning I awoke as fresh as a daisy and not at all surprised to feel no after-effects of the night before. My hangover remedy has never failed me.

When I went to the bathroom to clean my teeth I found the two capsules lying there, exactly where I had forgotten to take them. That’s mighty powerful muti! It works without your even swallowing it. There must be a market out there for imaginary medicines.

In fact, I wonder how many of the millions of medicines on offer in our shops work in just the same way. All you have to do to market your miracle muti is put on a white coat, hang a stethoscope round your neck and stare earnestly into the camera as you explain that nine out of 10 of your patients found instant relief from painful ankles after taking Doctor Acker’s Active Ankle Analgesia. (Don’t you always wonder what happened to that unlucky 10th patient? The poor sod probably hobbled home in tears, muttering, “Why me?”; maybe there’s a profitable career out there for a brave person willing to be that essential 10th patient. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.)

Anyway, I’m offering readers a hangover cure so effective you don’t even have to take it. It’s a major medical breakthrough. Nine out of 10… No maybe not.

Last Laugh

A week after having major surgery to his hand the patient returned to his doctor for a check-up. After having the whole procedure explained to him the patient held up his heavily bandaged hand and asked: “Doctor, do you think I’ll be able to play the piano once the bandage comes off?”

“Yes, I don’t see why not,” said the doctor.

“That will be great,” said the man. “I’ve always wanted to be able to play the piano.”