IMMORTALITY is back in fashion

THE ancient Greeks and Romans knew about immortality. Great men and women, who had earned the status of Immortals, shared the delights of Mount Olympus with the Gods. Just imagine the parties they must have enjoyed, with Bacchus behind the bar and Venus in the bedroom. What a jol!

I believe immortality went out of fashion during the Dark Ages. It was a miserable time, marked by plagues and violence, and when people died they were perfectly happy to stay dead. Quite a relief, actually. I believe immortality is creeping back into fashion again. I know several people who simply refuse to die and keep hanging around, keeping in touch year after year.

Steven was a colleague of mine, who died about five years ago, but I am still invited every year by Facebook to help him celebrate his birthday.

The same with Micky, who played the role of Santa Claus in a local shopping mall, until his death a few years ago. I still get an annual reminder to help him celebrate his birthday.

My late wife, Liz, died in 1999, but still receives an annual reminder from her bank urging her to update her investment details and noticing that she has not used her overdraft facilities in the past year, which clearly shows there are no shops in Heaven.

Interestingly, the same bank acted as executor of her will, so they obviously must know she is no longer with us. Well, not in Fish Hoek, anyway.

My medical aid society notified me recently that Gail, who was listed as my dependent, has not spent any money on doctors or hospitals during the past tax year. I am not surprised, since she died officially three years ago.

I suppose it’s good to know her soul is in good health.

It must be getting pretty crowded up there on Mount Olympus with all these recent Immortals joining the party every year. It’s a good thing the management team now have all the new arrivals listed on their database.

I just wish the internet chaps would let me have the present email addresses of these new Immortals. I feel rather bad about not sending birthday messages. A wise friend told me recently that we all die two deaths – one when our bodies die, and the next when there is nobody left who remembers us. I suspect we may now have three deaths – the third one when the last trace of us is deleted from the Internet. That may take a very long time.

Last Laugh

Two old cannibals were sitting in the shade of a palm tree, in front of their hut in the jungle, and watching the children playing in the grounds of the village school across the way.

“I really love children,” said the one. “Yes, so do I,” said his friend, “but I couldn’t eat a whole one.”