DARKNESS AND COLLUSION ON BATTERY USE
TWO years ago, when Eskom was discovering what fun it was to plunge the country into darkness, I bought a little flashlight (okay, a torch to us South Africans) in my local hardware store.
It is a thing of beauty and is, without exception, the best torch I have ever owned.
This one is made of durable aluminium, fits snugly in my hand and has nine bright LED lights, powered by three AAA batteries. I suppose it was made in China. In spite of its small size, it creates a bright and focused light and has been used frequently during Eskom’s rule of darkness.
It is still as bright as it was when I bought it, but I feel sure it will need new batteries soon. Three new batteries. Aye, there’s the rub.
It’s almost impossible to buy just three AAA batteries. I can buy four or six, but not three. Obviously I will buy four and store the extra one in a drawer “for later.” There are already two extra AAA batteries in that drawer from a previous purchase, but they are a different brand and already more than a year old. It would be silly to combine two already very old batteries with one new one when the present batteries wear out in three years’ time.
The clocks in my house all take single AA batteries, so I can’t give them any of the leftover AAA batteries.
I have a sneaking suspicion there’s behind-the-scenes collusion between the battery manufacturers and the makers of small batterypowered devices.
“How many batteries will your new toy lorry require?” “Four.” “Okay, if you redesign it to take five batteries we’ll give you a five percent kickback on every six-pack of batteries we sell.”
It’s a complicated world out there. I always suspect an ulterior motive when I encounter something new.
I read, for example, that a senior ANC politician has been visiting houses in the townships and handing out money to those with empty fridges.
He has assured the world that this is not an attempt to buy votes. Heaven forfend that anyone should even think that!
Actually, it’s an attempt to get people to buy fridges.
Once they have their fridges the politicians will fill them, then Eskom will turn off the power and all the political food donations will go rotten.
There’s probably a profound moral in that story for those with eyes to see it.
Last Laugh
A middle-aged man walked into the bar of a Beaufort West hotel and ordered drinks for everybody.
“You seem to be celebrating,” said the barman.
“What’s the occasion?”
“All my life, I have been shorter than my twin brother and now I am finally taller than him, so it’s real cause for celebration.”
“Gosh,” said the barman, “that’s amazing. I thought people stopped growing after they reached adulthood. How come you grew taller now?”
“No, I didn’t,” said the man. “My brother was in a car crash near Laingsburg yesterday and they had to amputate both his legs.”