WHY I’M HOME ON BLACK FRIDAY
HAPPY Black Friday! My advice is to celebrate this great new holiday in the safest possible way: by staying firmly at home.
We recently published a front page story saying Cape Town was the most congested city in the country. It certainly hasn’t helped to announce a national shopping spree.
After taking almost an hour to travel a short distance to the post office yesterday (normally less than 15 minutes), I was greeted by one of our jolly businessmen, standing in the doorway and rubbing his hands in gleeful anticipation.
“See you tomorrow,” he chirped as I walked by. “Like hell you will,” I grumped back and headed for the car park. I can understand business people wanting to boost their sales by inventing a fake celebration, but they haven’t thought it through.
In a city that’s grossly congested and has a dangerous and dysfunctional public transport system, it’s nothing short of criminal to urge people to go shopping en masse. If anybody had suffered a medical emergency yesterday they would simply have had to die out there on the street.
There was no way an emergency vehicle could have navigated that knot of traffic, even with all sirens wailing and red lights flashing. If I sound like the Grinch who stole Christmas I’m sorry, but we really do need to get our priorities right.
One of the first priorities in any business venture is to ensure that customers can reach you and park their cars once they’re there. This applies whether you’re running a corner café or a multi-million-rand shopping mall.
I hope the powers-that-be learn from today’s monster motoring madness and plan for next year. How about appointing guards on suburban trains for a start? I know several people who no longer use the trains because they’re regarded as unsafe.
When I commuted to work daily many years ago when things worked, travelling by train was the normal way to go. Hop on the train, read your book and arrive at work relaxed and unstressed.
If we’re doomed to travel by car, maybe extra traffic wardens could be appointed to guide motorists through the mess.
As far as I can see, Black Friday refers mostly to shoppers’ moods. If anybody tells me to “have a nice day further” (quaint South African phrase), I shall probably growl and mutter: “No thanks. I have made other plans.”
Last Laugh
When old Mr O’Leary died, his widow approached the undertaker and whispered: “Please make sure his toupee is firmly fixed when he’s in his coffin. He was very sensitive about it and nobody knew he wore it.”
After the funeral Mrs O’Leary thanked the undertaker and said: “He looked grand. Thank you for taking the extra trouble with his toupee. Here’s an extra 20 quid for your trouble.”
“Oh, I couldn’t accept that, Mrs O’Leary,” said the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails between friends?”