CUT GIMMICKS AND PRICES

I’VE OFTEN wondered why the marketing people think bad spelling attracts customers.

Look at some of the products on offer in my local stores and try to work out why anybody would buy something that has the word “Eezy” on the label instead of “Easy”, which is how most people spell the word.

In commercial terms, it would appear that the letters Z, X and K have great market value. Apparently your product will fly off the shelf if you mention that it’ll make your home “X-tra Kleen”, rather that just extra clean. Of course, your canine friends will bark with joy if they are referred to as “Dogz”, rather than boring old dogs. (Cats are sometimes supposed to like being referred to as “Katz”, but that could simply be because the pet-food factory belongs to Mrs Katz’s husband.)

The use of numbers instead of words may be fine for cellphone messages, where senders might be suffering from tired-thumb syndrome, but I find it irritating and lazy to see ads offering goods “just4you”, or “reddi2cook”.

The way I see it, if a manufacturer is too lazy to write “for” he’s probably not going to put a whole lot of effort into keeping up the quality of his product.

I imagine teachers often feel the backlash of all this untidy spelling. Children, like the rest of us, live in a world covered in words. Words appear on walls and traffic signs, shop windows and notice boards.

Without even being aware of it, we absorb written words all day long. If half of them are incorrectly spelled we can hardly expect children to sort out the good from the bad.

Let’s start a national campaign: SOS (save our spelling), and make a point of buying only goods with correctly spelled names.

Friday Sanity

I was delighted to receive a message from the Fish Hoek familyowned clothing store, AP Jones, advising customers that they would not be taking any part in the Black Friday lunacy. It’s just Friday, their message said. We charge reasonable prices for our goods at all times, rather than slashing prices for one silly day of the year.

I cheered when I read it. How great to see just one spark of sanity in a commercial world gone mad. No wonder I support them.

Last Laugh

While getting his hair cut, Patrick mentioned that he was going to Rome for his holiday and hoped to meet the Pope.

“Don’t be silly,” said the barber,” the Pope doesn’t waste time on ordinary people like you. He only deals with important people.”

A month later Patrick came for a haircut again and the barber started mocking him.

“So, I suppose you met the Pope?” He scoffed.

“In fact I did,” said Patrick. “I was standing in St Peters square when His Holiness came by and stopped to talk to me.”

“Really?” Said the barber, “what did he say?”

“He said: ‘Where in Heaven’s name did you get that awful haircut?’”