Cape Argus

TAVERN OF THE SEAS

HOODWINKED IS NOW NUDGENUDGE

- DAVID BIGGS dbiggs@glolink.co.za

I THINK we have become so used to being hoodwinked by our leaders that we take hoodwinkin­g for granted.

It’s become a natural part of daily life in this country.

A full-page advertisem­ent for a local supermarke­t offered my usual breakfast cereal at a reduced price recently and the offer included “a chance to win a car”.

I bought the cereal because it was on my shopping list anyway. I think the offer of a chance to win a car was just a scam.

For one thing, they had no record of my name or contact number. The teller simply scanned the box and took my money.

So if my purchase had won the car they wouldn’t have been able to tell me.

Another frequently used scam involves un-checkable statistics.

“Clinically proven to provide relief in 98.7% of cases,” they tell us, knowing perfectly well nobody’s going to question that number.

How do you measure “relief” for a start? And which clinic proved it?

A toothpaste brand promises “whiter teeth in 14 days”, but is there a measurable scale of tooth whiteness? And what can you do if your teeth are no whiter after 15 days?

Who cares?

We suckers just accept the claims and part with our money.

We are told daily how much we “save” when we buy our groceries at this or that store.

“Now only R39.99. Save R 7.56!” But that’s complete nonsense.

Does it mean the price at other shops is R7.56 more than this price, or that last week’s price was inflated in this store by R7.56? They’re just meaningles­s numbers.

Fake statistics have become an industry.

But those fake statistics must obviously work, or people wouldn’t bother to invent them.

Maybe there’s a whole new profession­al field out there, just waiting to be exploited.

Universiti­es could offer degree courses in hoodwinkin­g techniques and offer successful candidates a Bachelor of Arts degree in imaginativ­e marketing. Graduates would be entitled to append add the letters BA BS after their signatures.

But I’m obviously behind the times. It seems certain prominent politician­s have already added their own fake degrees to their names without even bothering to complete the imaginativ­e marketing curriculum.

To them I can only say, “Well done sir! You’re way ahead of your time.”

Last Laugh

At an internatio­nal agricultur­al convention farmers from all over the world gathered to share their knowledge.

During a break an Irish farmer got chatting to a Texas rancher.

“Do you know,” bragged the Texan, “my farm is so big I can get in my truck in the morning and drive in one direction until sunset and still not reach my other boundary.”

“Ah, to be sure,” said the Irish farmer.

“I once had a truck like that too.”

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