Unravelling all the mysteries of sex
QUIRKY QUICK GUIDE TO HAVING GREAT SEX
Tiffany Kagure Mugo
Kwela Books
Review: Barbara Spaanderman
WE ALL owe our existence to sex. Every human being born is the result of loving sex, dutiful sex, unplanned and unprotected sex.
Many of us grow up without knowing about the mechanics and protocols of sex, and simply act out a hormonal imperative. We aren’t taught anything because many people are too shy to talk frankly about the subject.
The Quirky Quick Guide to Having Great Sex unravels all the mysteries without making the reader feel uncomfortable or voyeuristic. We learn to do things to develop our expertise.
Mugo does some straight talking from years of experience in the sexuality game. Consent is key. It is a voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity, in which both parties agree on “yes”. If “yes” is not part of the deal, then sex is coerced. Hesitation, freezing up, and not being able to say “no” which can be misinterpreted to mean “yes” lead to sexual manipulation or assault.
Significantly, being in a relationship does not entitle one to sex without the consent of the other. Rape culture is the result of how people tolerate violence, and misunderstand consent. Once you have a clear understanding of consent you can embark on the pleasurable journey of sex.
Talking about sex is difficult for some people, but as we are not mind readers, it’s best to get over that fear, keep a sex diary, and find out what the other wants, discuss these fully clothed, allowing partners to process information before proceeding. At the same time it is necessary to discuss sexual health and safety. Get tested and until you have certainty about your partner, use protection.
Sex after trauma, masturbation, how long to have a break from sex when breaking up, physical health, using condoms, lubrication, orgasms, and faking orgasms, accepting that orgasm is not the be all and end all of sex, and not a sign of sexual failure, anal sex and sex toys are discussed in detail. A multi-fingered and tongue approach probably makes you feel like a contortionist, but it’s all for pleasure. Discussing dick pleasure is gently humorous. “If you’re a dick whisperer you can speak its language when it tells you what’s good”; when it’s stressed how to deal with a “soft serve dick”.
Kinky sex, threesomes, food and sex engage all the senses, and Mugo offers some tantalising tips for using cucumbers, carrots, ginger butt plugs and frozen grapes. Cooking and sex in the kitchen can end in a wild, wet and messy affair of great deliciousness.
As a complete alternative, tantric sex can take you to a different level of sensuality. Friendships and sex can be as complicated as we make it, but consent remains the cornerstone.