Thank you, dear Comrade Paul
EX-SADF CONSCRIPT’S COURAGEOUS JOURNEY OF HEALING
PAUL Morris is the conscience of the 660 000 white SADF conscripts. In his desire for healing and reconciliation, Paul is an exemplary change agent promoting dialogue in our fissured society.
The ponytailed Capetonian was not what I expected when we met in early 2011 in his journey to reach out to fellow conscripts, the End Conscription Campaign activists and liberation fighters. We have remained friends since.
His book, Back To Angola: A Journey From War To Peace, is a poignant and candid reflection of his traumatic experience as a young white SADF conscript, and his courageous journey of healing that follows many years later.
As a largely divided society that needs to heighten its awareness of each other’s past, Paul’s story is truly, as stated on the book cover, “an honest, intelligent and a deeply moving account of war, and its effects on an individual mind, a generation of people, and the psyche and landscape of a country”.
His baptism into adulthood in the violent and heartless setting of war, worse still, as a soldier of an oppressive and unjust national army, is a stark reminder of the inhumaneness of war. This shows my own pacifist leaning that I compromised when I joined the ANC military wing, MK, in 1986 to fight against the undemocratic government, which the SADF so ruthlessly sustained. Paul’s vivid narratives of his life as a young conscript in Namibia and Angola provide an alternative perspective to the glorified “war on the border” as communicated by the South African government propaganda machinery.
In this context, Paul had to contend with his sense of morality and “clung on to (his) own humanity” in confronting the indoctrination process of “objectifying ‘the other’” – his fellow black compatriots.
In the current South African context, his emotional journey for reconciliation – since leaving the battlefields of Angola – to make sense of his experiences and feelings is admirable.
There are not many among us who are as resolute and courageous in confronting our nightmares, journeying into deep selfreflection and soul-searching, in making peace with the ghosts of the past.
Especially so in a male-dominated society where “boys/men don’t cry”.
As Paul reminds us, “there are no bragging rights attached to emotional pain” as a soldier. His demanding bicycle trip (1 500km) across the tough Angolan and Namibian terrain bears testimony to Paul’s resilience to make personal contact with people that his former army had invaded – a process of “humanising the enemy”.
Paul mobilised his physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energy for the humanising process during his emotional journey since leaving the army.
Prior to the bicycle trip he had long periods of therapy and completed a degree in Gestalt psychotherapy in London.
Paul reflects: “Whereas the war fractured my fragile and barely formed sense of self, this journey has been deeply affirming” – supporting his search for wholeness again.”
The compassion, care, concern and cordiality of the Angolan and Namibian people, during his daunting cycle trip, renewed Paul’s faith that people are essentially good.
Were the 660 000 SADF conscripts and the thousands of freedom fighters ( and those victims of the alleged atrocities committed in liberation army camps) immune to the “toxicity of war… which wake us in the blackest hours of the night and sully relationships with those we love”?
How many of these ex-combatants live, in what Paul describes as the “liminal zone between soldier and civilian”?
I support (and so must every one of us) his call for society to “find non-violent ways to deal with difference and conflict”, celebrating our diversity, as in that lays our unity.
The advent of democracy in 1994 did not only free the oppressed masses, but also liberated all white South Africans boys and men, and their loved ones, from the anxiety and foreboding of compulsory military service and defending an abhorrent system. Conversely, some white South Africans may feel a denial of the rite of passage to manhood that the army offered, encouraging the macho, heroic soldier image.
As South Africans – black and white – we have not adequately come to terms with our psychosocial experiences arising from living in the previously unjust and alienating society.
The latter tapestry endures in the weaving of our young democratic South Africa as the polarity between the powerful elites – new and old, political and economic – and the powerless widens.
The challenges in reclaiming our humanity persist.
The pursuit of engendering an egalitarian society is at huge risk. Our political leaders – society’s role models – are floundering to inspire a compelling vision or lead with resonance in creating a climate of reconciliation, healing, compassion, care and hope.
Paul Morris, we are deeply humbled for your authenticity in baring your mind, heart and spirit, thus making a major contribution to the healing process in our distressed nation.
Also, for adding to the scarce literature on war and peace in Africa. The sharing of our deeply held narratives and reading your book allowed me to reflect on my experiences on the other side of the SADF battle line – evoking a range of personal emotions. Thank you, dear Comrade Paul!
Paul asked me to write a piece for his blog. While I was on a family holiday in Namibia, I penned this poem on the banks of the mighty Orange River on June 26, 2011, the anniversary of the drafting of the Freedom Charter, called Unchain your voice; liberate our nation’s soul.
It is dedicated to Paul (http://angolajourney.blogspot.com/2011/08/unchainour-voices-liberate-our-nations.html):
Our Nation Then At war with itself Torn apart Divided Along racial lines Black and White Powerful and Powerless Oppressors and Liberators Our nation’s soul Tortured Its war machine Brutal On a warpath In our beautiful land Across the African sub-continent Harnessing discontent Hatred and destruction Fellow countrymen In opposing battle formations Each other’s enemies Defending opposing ideologies Our Nation Today In transition The flame of freedom Unity Ignited in ’94 Illuminating the birth of a new nation Harnessing harmony Hope to the present and future After generations of grief and pain In celebration of our martyrs Their blood nourishing The torch of freedom Though, Today Our nation Haunted by the ghosts of its past Tenuously in pursuit of wholeness Oneness Dear compatriots, Is it not time To bear our tortured souls Share the pain of our nation’s past Lay the ghosts to rest, forever Share our stories Of a divided past Liberate our ignorance Our pain and joy Nightmares and dreams And nourish the soul Of our non-racial Democratic Nation To wholeness Oneness
A deeply moving account of war and its effects on a generation of people