A brave new world from abandonment and heartbreak

TO MY father, and all absent fathers:

You left me when I was 6. Before that, I have memories of going out and getting meals together, shopping for clothes and family dinners at home.

Then, one day, it stopped. And at that time, you left a large space in my life. A loss of love. Ever since then, I have been trying to fill it up.

But not in the way that you see in a lot of girls who have been abandoned by their dads, who find comfort in other men.

I know a lot of children who have absent dads are angry, heartbroken and have a low selfesteem.

Can you imagine being left by someone who is supposed to love you and care about you the most?

I had so many little questions that every child should be able to ask their dad:

“How did you and mama meet? What was your plan for me when I was born?”

I wanted to know about your history and about your childhood. But you left before I could ask or you could fulfil those promises that gave me hope.

All these unanswered questions about who you were made it hard for me to relate to my friends. I was never as happy as the other kids I used to play with.

It felt, to me, that they had all they needed. They had a dad to call in times of need. I found it hard to fit in. And so for a long time I didn’t have friends.

Things changed for me in Grade 7. I made new friends and they were interested in talking about all these things that I had had to deal with alone for the last six years.

I got into contact with more family which offered me support.

I realised that you were never coming back and it was up to me to be brave, to stop looking back and look forward.

You taught me lessons in your absence and I’m trying to learn from what you did.

I want to be something in this world and this won’t change whether you are in my life or not. What I’ve found is that to be independent is vital.

To communicate with the people around you is important because your silence was devastating.

I need to protect myself from following the footsteps that you took.

Most importantly, I’ve learnt to never let anger control you.

Letting go of anger helped me move on and be open to other people.

I also came to terms with the fact that you had reasons for leaving.

Reasons that I will never know. But I am open to you coming back and creating a new picture.

It’s never too late to make amends because while many kids and I, like myself, have found their way without you, those little questions need to be answered and happy memories deserve to be made.