Juli Fraga
FOR many of us, especially those without family nearby, spending time with friends can be a meaningful way to celebrate the holidays.
As fewer people opt for marriage, friendships have become more than social relationships: friends are proxy families, and they may be better than the real ones.
Researchers have found that these personal connections may be more beneficial to one’s health and well-being than family ones.
And at a time when loneliness has become a public health crisis with young adults saying they feel lonelier than older generations, studies show that investing in friendships pays off.
According to the Mayo Clinic, these bonds can help reduce stress, increase happiness and bolster self-confidence.
With hectic schedules, finding time to nurture these relationships can be challenging.
But the holidays provide an opportunity to renew these bonds, giving us a chance to deepen what friendship expert Shasta Nelson calls “frientimacy”: the intimacy between friends where both people feel acknowledged in a safe and satisfying way.
“Three requirements for healthy friendships are positivity, consistency and vulnerability,” Nelson said.
A few intentional behaviours can help give these relationships a boost.
1 Acts of kindness as gifts: Many people feel pressured to buy loved ones ideal gifts, which can cause more angst than joy.
A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 27% of people often feel stressed about money during the holidays.
Consider giving friends non-material gifts, like acts of kindness. Even small gestures can make a difference. Nelson suggests leaving a heartfelt voice mail, or making plans to spend quality time together.
Acts of kindness have also been shown to produce oxytocin, the hormone responsible for cultivating attachment and social bonds.
“Showing up tells friends that we’re thinking of them and adds positivity to their lives, making them feel loved,” Nelson said.
2 Appreciate differences:
At times, conflict is unavoidable, even with close friends.
If you get into a dispute over hot-button topics such as politics during your holiday dinner, respectfully express how you feel, and then let it go – at least for a moment.
Emotionally charged topics can cause us to lose our cool. But taking a defensive stance widens the distance between friends.
“Accept that you will not win the argument or change anyone’s mind,” said relationship expert Venus Nicolino.
“You have to ask yourself, ‘Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?’
“Instead of trying to alter your friend’s viewpoint, share your feelings by saying something like, “I feel sad that we’re arguing, instead of respecting our differences.”
Once you’ve cleared the air, find a way to reconnect. You might redirect the conversation by discussing a shared interest, reminiscing about happy holiday memories or talking about upcoming plans.