Holding up a mirror to gender violence

“HE SAID he’s hurting me because he loves me.” This is the statement of a young woman,featured this week on our website, IOL, describing the boyfriend who abused and raped her.

She is not alone. Increasingly we are hearing of similar instances, notably the claims of abuse involving Bongekile “Babes Wodumo” Simelane and her intimate partner.

And, while there is sympathy in the public space for these women, there is also a worrying level of victim blaming and shaming.

At a simplified level it is incomprehensible that a woman would stay in an abusive relationship because she loves the perpetrator despite the harm he is causing her.

At a simplified level she must pack up and go, lay charges and go to court. But this is not a simple matter.

Gender violence, especially by intimate partners, is a complex issue but there is hope in the fact that men are fighting back – not with their fists but by asking tough questions of themselves as they strive to reclaim a positive identity.

At the weekend, under the banner of #NotInMyName, men from divergent groups met in Pretoria to look at “the man in the mirror” and have a serious conversation about gender roles and relationships.

Their aim, according to secretary-general Themba Masango, is to reclaim what it is to be a man for whom love can never tolerate violence and abuse.

We know that there are many such good men in our midst, and we applaud them for looking in the mirror and declaring “#NotInMyName”.