Old drivers never die… by Chris Moerdyk
…they just can’t parallel park anymore. But they should still be taken seriously
WE’RE called Silver Surfers and we make up only 6% of the SA population. We’re old people, ignored by the motor industry and by a lot of other big brands except funeral parlours and retirement homes.
But, get this, we hold more than 20% of the disposable income in this country and, because most of us don’t have kids at home anymore and have paid for our houses, we’ve got money to spend. Oh, and by the way, because many of our kids live in far- ung parts of the globe, we’re pretty adept when it comes to handling Whatsapp, Facebook, Facetime and googling. We love gadgets and we buy them ... even though those people who make them seem to think they’re strictly for the under-35s.
We also buy a lot of new cars and even more used cars. It is something the motor industry should take notice of, because without used-car sales, new-car sales go down faster than homeless moles. Most of us still love driving. We’re still petrolheads. Trouble is, we’re not so great at parallel parking anymore and can’t turn our heads to reverse. Okay, and we also tend to wander out of our lanes every now and then, but at least we do actually stop at stop streets in the suburbs.
Which is precisely why we get excited about new automotive technology. We love tech like park assist and auto parking, blind-spot and lane-change warnings; all those things that are deemed relatively unimportant gimmicks by young motoring journalists and the people who dream up advertising. We travel a lot and need help on the open road. We like comfort and, when we go to places like Kruger National Park, we like to sit high. The past couple of years I have been driving up to Kruger in either BMW X5s or X6s, and have enjoyed being helped along with cruise control, following-distance presets and blind-spot alerts.
But, most of all, what really helped was, while driving along a dirt road one evening, the setting sun was shining in my eyes and a car in front was kicking up a massive cloud of dust. Next thing, a warning triangle appeared on my screen, accompanied by a loud and urgent beeping, and that was followed by some fast braking. There, in front of me, was a herd of impala. I would have ploughed through them were it not for the intuitive Beemer.
There is no question that, as we get older, our reactions slow down a little. Which is why Silver Surfers need all the help we can get. My next car will need to have 360-degree cameras and auto parking. It’s not about safety or convenience; it’s about dignity. I am tired of looking like an incompetent ass because I can’t turn my head far enough to parallel-park in one go.
While there are still a lot of us in our seventies who buy very expensive cars, there are even more who have to throttle down on our spending. Those of us who happily paid half a million rand for a Land Rover Discovery ve or six years ago, really don’t want to fork out a million and a bit to get the new one.
Which is why some manufacturers are getting it right in the old-people department. The Renault Duster is one of South Africa’s most recent success stories. It’s tough and cheap. It’s high enough off the ground for old people to get in without grunting like Maria Sharapova.
On the other hand, there is Mercedes-benz which gave up its previous-generation, old-person-friendly A-class so loved by those who liked its height and easy access. Instead, it gave us a new A-class that is so low slung that old people need courage, determination and considerable help from their friends just to get behind the wheel.
Ford has also cottoned on to the importance of old people. Many of its models have auto parking and the Kuga in particular is a great favourite among the older generation.
Strangely enough, though, the one gadget that doesn’t seem to impress the older generation is the built-in sat-nav. Most retirees have smartphones and nd that Google Maps provides a far better and up-to-date navigation guide than many of the built-in stuff that still relies on ponderous, complicated inputs.
Older people, particularly those on xed incomes, really bene t enormously from maintenance plans. Brands that offer a full ve-year maintenance plan provide huge peace of mind. Service plans can be enormously confusing because, sometimes, they’re options and not built into the price, and more often than not the de nition of a service plan differs widely from brand to brand.
It often takes rocket science to work things out before going into a dealership to avoid facing nasty surprises. Us old people generally don’t like rocket science. We just like to be told straight what things cost.