Psycho dog parent alert
GONE are the days when a dog’s place was in the field, or at least in the home. They’re everywhere: out of the yard and at the top table, from cafés to shops, hotels to the red carpet.
In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, actress Jennifer Lawrence expressed deep love for her little brown dog, Pippi Longstocking.
She described how last Christmas her mother commissioned a portrait of Pippi from a 14-year-old fan in New Zealand.
The magazine reported: “At first, the actress hung the portrait in her Los Angeles home only when her mom visited before realising, ‘F*** it. I am the person who has an acrylic painting of her dog’, and proudly showcased it above her fireplace. ‘I am a psychotic dog mom in a way that I am genuinely embarrassed about. If I could put her inside me and give birth to her, I would’.”
Lawrence, 26, went on to claim that if she was to become a mother to an actual baby, that child would take second place to her pet.
She’s not alone in her psychoticdog-mommery.
Whereas once it was all about the “crazy cat lady”, in the past few years it seems everyone I know has acquired a dog.
This year has seen a pack of dog books to reflect this tide of doggy devotion. From Miranda Hart’s Peggy and Me (Peggy’s her bichon frise), to Nigel: My Family and Other Dogs (Nigel is Monty Don’s golden retriever; he has his own Twitter account, @MontysDogNigel, with more than 22 000 followers), and India Knight’s The Goodness of Dogs.
This is the age of the unbearable coolness of dogs. Flip through a magazine or click on a gossip site and you’ll be bombarded with pictures of celebs and their pooches, whether it’s Kate Moss cosying up with her Staffie Archie, or Simon Cowell on a beach canoodling with his Yorkshire terriers Freddy, Squiddly and Diddly.
It’s understandable, really. When the world gets more crazy every day, what is more comforting that the dependable decency of dogs?
Which kind of psychotic ’dog parent’ are you? Utility class
FOUND stomping across fields or along streets in a combination of threadbare tweed and cashmere, or fleece and dirty denim. Every jacket, coat or trouser pocket contains bags for picking up dog poo and ancient dog treat crumbs. Smells faintly of dog, obviously, but this is one of the ways in which these particular kinds of dog owners seek each other out. They see the constant layer of dog hair as extra insulation and may make well-rehearsed jokes about that if you mention it.
Team player
THEIR dogs are less pets, more of running companions, coaches and motivators. They see their hounds as furry FitBits and are most likely to give them sporty names like Scout, Rocky and Buzz. This type of dog mum or dad is least likely to let their dogs on the furniture, at least not when anyone’s looking.
High-maintenance mummies
THERE is a certain kind of dog parent who sees their dog as a style extension of themselves. Their dogs are likely to have wardrobes that would put a society hostess to shame.
Diamanté for evening? Sure, pass the collar! Argyll sweater for country weekends? All the colourways. Cute polkadot raincoat for drizzly days in town? Absolutely.
This owner is likely to see signature organic dog cologne as essential. There’s a lint roller by every door and in every cubbyhole.
Meet my fur baby
THESE people’s dogs pass their days in soothing rounds of organic dog food dinners, probably homemade, and puppy play dates, possibly catered. It’s highly likely that their pets have their own social media accounts, which enjoy a greater number of followers than those of their owners. These dog mums buy dehydrators solely to prepare dried liver treats and sweet potato chews for their little darlings. Most likely to allow their dog on to the bed (and under the covers).
Hip houndster
THESE dog crazies love the credibility a rescued hound bestows, with extra points for the farther away the dog has come. They just can’t resist the doleful eyes and X Factor- style tragic backstories. No one ever speaks of the untrainable one, which never gave up being bitey and “disappeared” one day. If they have a pure breed it will be because – wouldn’t you know it? – it turns out French bulldogs are the only dogs they’re not allergic to. — The Daily Telegraph