HIV taught me how to love myself
SHE was five months pregnant and eagerly awaiting the arrival of her son when Loyiso Lindani received the earth-shattering news that she was HIV-positive.
Testing for the first time in her entire life, Lindani said although she had mentally prepared herself to accept whatever outcome there was, the news still came as a great shock to her.
The year was 2006, Lindani was in East London at the time and she had come to the conclusion that she was going to die soon after the birth of her son.
“I was shocked when I found out even though I had told myself to be brave and not show it because I had a mantra that regardless of the results, I would be fine with it,” she said.
“Initially I wasn’t coping at all because I was afraid that I would die soon and this scared me because dying meant not being around to raise my child and that used to hurt me a lot. I didn’t breastfeed my little one but I wish I had.
“Due to fear and lack of knowledge I was afraid of transmitting the virus because at the time I had so many misconceptions, limited access to information and I just didn’t know what was right or wrong so I opted for formula instead.
“If I could go back I would definitely breastfeed because I would love to have that experience with my newborn, now I know that if I am a healthy mom, who takes her medication daily and should I choose exclusive breastfeeding then I am able to do so without fear of infecting my baby.”
Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended because mixed feeding carries a greater risk of transmission. Lindani is one of one-fifth of South African women in their reproductive ages who are HIV-positive.
According to the Statistics South Africa mid-year population estimates released last year, the total number of persons living with HIV in the country has increased from an estimated 4.02million in 2002 to 6.19-million last year.
The statistics show that an estimated 11.2% of the total population is HIVpositive.
In a story which appeared in the Daily Dispatch in 2012, Buffalo City Metro recorded the highest HIV prevalence in the Eastern Cape, with one in three being infected. This information was sourced from the National Antenatal Sentinel HIV and Syphilis Prevalence Survey revealed by Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi. According to the survey, BCM’s prevalence stood at 34.1%, the highest in the Eastern Cape. BCM was followed closely by Joe Gqabi with a prevalence of 29.9%.
The area with the lowest prevalence in the province was Cacadu with 25.8%.
Locally, the Eastern Cape Aids Council have identified three main drivers of HIV infections, which include early sexual debut, multiple partners and teenage pregnancies.
In a statement released ahead of World Aids Day, which falls on December 1, the Aids Council said the day sought to highlight and educate the public on these social drivers. This is the path Lindani took after years of dealing with the judgments and the pain of disclosing her status to those closest to her.
After making the brave decision to come out to the entire world in an effort to set herself free, the young woman started Power Talks with Loyiso Lindani, a platform where people living with HIV are inspired, empowered and motivated towards reaching their goals, dreams and ambitions – regardless of the obstacles and challenges they may face in life.
With a firm support system behind her which consisted of her friends and family, the new mother said it was after her coming out that she had the inspiration to start a media company two years ago – Media Maniacs – which she uses as a platform for her Power Talks. The company also offers communications, events, photography and film services.
“I was just tired of being judged and experiencing so much pain from disclosing my status as it had come to a point where I was no longer sure what to do, to disclose or not and either way I was getting judged so I thought to myself : You know I’m tired of this double life, where people have mixed feelings about my status and it affecting me so negatively so why not let the whole world know and see what happens.
“That way everybody will know and I will be set free, no longer facing fears of being judged and that by far has been one of the best decisions I have made.
“Not only has it liberated me but along the process it has inspired others to also become courageous enough to talk about their HIV statuses,” she said.
“I think at first my family didn’t understand why I needed to speak publicly about it since they and my friends had known about it and had no problems with it but now I think they get that it is beyond just about me but everybody who is infected with HIV and thinking they have no future.
“I’m speaking publicly to inspire other people whether infected or affected to know that HIV does not have to stop you from living your life and it can be a stepping stone to a greater you as it has been with me.
“I need people to know that they can actually have dreams and pursue them regardless of their HIV status as it doesn’t determine who they are and neither does it make them bad or promiscuous people.”
Lindani said she is planning to take her motivational seminars around the country in a national tour, which will see her visiting townships such as Soweto, Gugulethu, Khayelitsha, Alexandra, Tembisa and her hometown Mdantsane to spread her message.
According to Lindani, she chose townships as she feels her message is greatly needed in black, underprivileged communities.
Lindani, who is now on anti-retroviral medication (ARV’s), said there was a lot of incorrect information, stigma and judgment towards people living with HIV, which had to be eradicated in society.
She explained: “I am merely using my life as a backdrop to mirror the misconceptions we have as a society as well as create platforms to eradicate the stigma and judgment that comes from living with HIV through empowering motivational speaking.
“HIV continues to affect and infect billions of people across the globe, with all the information and technology advancements the number of new infections continue to rise particularly from the younger generation.
“There is an urgent need of young leaders that are bold enough to speak out about the dangers of the lack in self-love and what the lack in selfconfidence can do to damage and destroy one’s life in order to create an empowered society.
“It’s also quite important to change the way that the information is being issued on various issues including unemployment, HIV, poverty, illiteracy and skills development.
“I believe we are capable of creating a better society for the next generation by learning to work together instead of against each other.
“My dream is to be able to contribute towards a generation that has changed its views towards HIV and entrepreneurship that will actually accomplish the dream of having an HIVfree generation.
“A long life with HIV start with complete self-acceptance and love, which nobody else is able to give to you but yourself.
“It is important to limit stress as much as is possible and to learn more about HIV to be able to rise above it.
“HIV does not have the power to destroy who you are or your dreams. It taught me how to love myself more and as a result it helped me build up my confidence and chase for my dreams with an amplified passion and hunger for life.
“You are more than just a person who is HIV-positive, what is your purpose and what is stopping you from achieving?” she concluded. —
at first my family didn’t understand why I needed to speak publicly about it [my positive status] … but now I think they get that it is beyond just about me …