Should we keep Santa myth alive?
With just 16 days to go until Christmas and the opening of those presents from Santa Claus, wonders if there is a right time to tell children the truth about the fat man in the red suit and boots
SINCE 2008, I have been involved in the biggest conspiracy of my life: I have been fooling my son into believing that Santa Claus exists. From the time he was old enough to reason, his dad and I have made him believe in the magical fat man with a white beard who, every Christmas eve, travels around the world on a sleigh pulled by reindeer to deliver gifts to children.
We pulled out all the stops to keep the fantasy alive in his mind, from leaving a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the coffee table for Santa’s snack (which either his dad or me would wake in the middle of the night to eat) to leaving trails of glitter all over the floor which my little human had come to believe were Santa’s footsteps.
I was forced to shatter the myth last week, however, when I accidentally come across my son’s Christmas wish list to Santa.
I sat him down and rather painfully explained that Santa does not exist. I explained to him that I was responsible for all the gifts he had found under the tree these last few years of his life.
I did this because the gifts on his list were way too outrageous for my wallet to even attempt (I’m talking about a PS4, a PSP, about 10 PS3 games, a new tablet and a Samsung Galaxy S7 phone so I made the hard decision to set things straight to avoid the disappointed face I was bound to come across on Christmas Day when none of the gifts he had listed made it to under the tree. This got me thinking. When should I have bust the Santa myth? Had I damaged the trust in our relationship by telling this lie in the first place?
In a story that appeared in the UK’s Guardian, writer Hannah Devlin reported on an article published in the journal Lancet Psychiatry in which two psychologists raised concern that children’s moral compass may be permanently thrown off-kilter by what many parents consider to be a magical part of the Christmas tradition.
According to the article, lying to children, even about something as fun and frivolous as Santa, could undermine their trust in their parents and leave them open to abject disappointment when they eventually discover the magic is not real.
Quoted in the article is Kathy McKay, a clinical psychologist at the University of New England and a coauthor of the study who said: “The Santa myth is such an involved lie, such a long-lasting one, between parents and children, that if a relationship is vulnerable, this may be the final straw.
“If parents can lie so convincingly and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?”
Chris Boyle, fellow author and psychologist at the University of Exeter, is quoted in the article as being critical of parents who invoked the fear of Santa not showing up as a means of forcing children to behave themselves in the buildup to Christmas.
“Some parents use it as a tool of control when they’re under a bit of pressure in the lead-up to Christmas,” Boyle said.
“It’s potentially not the best parenting method. You’re talking about a mythical being deciding whether you’re getting presents or not.”
East London-based counselling psychologist Rochelle Clarke said the Father Christmas story fell into the realm of fantasy, which children generally like.
“Children like that sort of thing and that’s maybe why it’s so easy for them to believe in it. But on whether or not it’s detrimental to them, I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.”
Daily Dispatch readers, who commented on the Daily Live Facebook page, had mixed views, methods and advice on the Santa issue.
Lisa van Tonder said: “I have always told my children that Santa is real for those who believe in him.
“We let them figure it out on their own. Having said that we’re realistic and creative whenever we need to explain away the little blunders that come along while keeping the myth alive ... like that Father Christmas has a budget, some years tighter than others, and you don’t always get everything on your list.
“[The list] is just a guide for Santa to get ideas and now that the world’s population is growing so big Santa needs help from moms to do the shopping and then ship it off to the North Pole for Santa to deliver.”
Melissa Beard commented: “My son is 10 years old and I sadly told him this year that Santa is not real and only because he, for the first time, had asked me if he was.
“I had always said that I would tell him once he had is own doubts.
“Over the years I had always encouraged my boys to keep their list within reason and I always tried to get them at least one thing on their list. If ‘Santa’ could not give them something on the list then ‘Santa’ would leave a special note explaining why he could not make a certain item ... like the time he asked for a hover board!”
From Liz Mohr-Bell there was this advice: “An idea floated here in Australia is that an inexpensive gift comes from Santa and that parents are the ‘givers’ of other items – the myth then remains!”
Sibabalwe Quntana said: “Tell the kid ‘Santa will surprise you, don’t wish for anything, he knows what you need’.”
And Jerenice Stafford Goosen: “My eight-year-old still believes in Santa even though her friends told her that he doesn’t exist.
“It doesn’t matter to me because I tell her that Santa has too many other children to think of to provide everything on her wish list.
“When they (children) are ready, they will move on.”
Tracy Lynn van Rooyen’s nine year old still believes in Santa.
“I have always told him Santa can’t give everything because all mom and dads have to pay money into Santa’s bank account.
“And Santa buys according to how much the parents send to him.”
Tim White thinks that by 10 his child will have wised up to who Santa really is, but he believes children should be allowed to come to this realisation at their own speed.
“My nine-year-old still believes but by next year the cat will be out the bag. Let them grow out of it, don’t spoil the journey of self-discovery to truth. Let them discover it in their own time. When they get it, that provides a good opportunity to teach them about other things in life they take for granted. Let them discover the truth about life by actively searching out facts. Don’t just give it to them. That makes them lazy.”
Elizabeth Avoni said: “Why not in general place a price limit on all gifts and explain that gifts are a token and that the value of a gift does not make it more or less special. I believe that children should learn at a young age that life is about the little things, the random acts of kindness, the smallest gift given for no reason other than wanting to give something to another person who does not have it or for whatever reason.
“When it becomes about the size or value of the gift it soon gets out of hand, and the joy of giving is lost to materialism.”
And finally Rodger Norman had this to add: “We need to teach our children that a gift has nothing to do with money but rather that it is given with love. For us to teach that to our children, we have to learn it ourselves. Everything is too commercialised today.” —