ELITE PARADE
Clash of cultures at royal wedding
THREE days on, the verdict appears to be unanimous: young or old, cynic or idealist, monarchist or not – all seem to have found Harry and Meghan’s wedding one of the most “enjoyable” royal weddings of all time, some even describing it as “the best telly of the year”.
It’s a flippant way to describe the Christian union of two people, of course, and Bishop Michael Curry of Chicago was keen to remind everyone what the day was really about.
“Two young people are in love and we all showed up,” he said in his address. Pare it down, and that is precisely what happened at noon on Saturday in Saint George’s Chapel, Windsor. Putting aside the feverish five-month buildup, the near two billion who tuned in to watch it, the 100 000 well-wishers outside Windsor Castle, the 600 guests, the 80 lemons in the cake and single member of the bride’s family, it really did come down to that.
That and the fact that these were the starriest nuptials in British history. The Oscars of royal weddings (before award ceremonies became mind-blowingly dull); a royal wedding as it would look if dreamt up by a Hollywood director, with Anna Wintour on wardrobe duty. And being able to witness busloads of Alisters being ferried into the grounds of Windsor to join a congregation largely made up of PG Wodehousestyle English peers really was the icing on the wedding cake.
Why? Because these two breeds don’t know what to make of one another. They want to look down on one another, but secretly yearn for each others’ attributes.
A-listers may have zero desire for bad teeth and frayed shirt collars but they long for the gravitas of a title, and are aware that becoming a part of the establishment will forever be out of reach.
Conversely, aristocrats covet the glamorous, gilded and easy-breezy lifestyles of celebrities, but are doomed to a life of opening local libraries wearing dowdy outfits thickly coated in bearded collie hair.
The culture clash on Saturday was delicious to watch, starting with the cobblestones. Aside from those on the Fox Studios Lot in LA, Hollywood folk haven’t come across cobblestones before, let alone attempted to pick their way across them in threeinch heels. So while Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, and the Countess of Wessex hopped nimbly across them, Amal Clooney clung to George’s arm, Serena Williams to her husband Alex Ohanian’s, and actresses Abigail Spencer and Priyanka Chopra to each other – all while scrupulously avoiding being caught by any cameras in direct sunlight, something every A-lister knows is potentially brand-killing.
There were some predictable etiquette issues, and on both sides. The seven pages of do’s and don’ts that came with the invitations were included in order to avoid embarrassing situations, like David Beckham wearing his OBE on the wrong side at the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding in 2011.
“No medals,” they stipulated, and “no swords” – which is always good to point out. And yet, some of the younger British members of the congregation
were asking Hollywood’s finest for selfies before they handed their phones into security (no mobiles allowed either), and an unsurprising number of our lot had had “a little livener” at the pub first.
Meanwhile some of the American contingent were chewing gum, far too many were wearing oversized aviators and one woman even came in a dress worn by the lead in Lifetime movie Meghan & Harry: A Royal
Romance, which was either brilliantly ironic or a faux pas that will haunt her for life.
Far from being solemn, the chapel had the look and feel of an exclusive members club or first-class lounge.
“It felt like they were all there to attend a Soho House drinks party,” laughed MediaCom director Claudine Collins. And how apt that Soho House, where royalty and Hollywood are most likely to come together, is where Harry and Meghan first met.
The owner, Nick Jones, was one of the Brits in attendance, alongside singers James Blunt, Marcus Mumford and Sir Elton John, actors Idris Elba and Carey Mulligan and comedian James Corden. But while British and American celebrities felt at ease mingling with one another, the aristocrats set themselves apart.
Still who better to unite everyone than Bishop Curry? The head of the Episcopal Church started off on firm ground, quoting Dr Martin Luther King on the power of love.
He then became increasingly euphoric in tone, and when bringing up slavery in America and how the power of love is a balm no matter how awful the situation, tried in vain for some audience participation. Only, audience participation makes Brits squirm – and we certainly don’t do it at weddings. The crowd seeming less interactive than he’d hoped, the Reverend began veering concertedly off script. This became apparent by the widening of Meghan’s eyes and Harry’s tightened mouth, although it was Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall and Prince William who were most obviously fighting fits of the giggles.
But the culture clash was likely to be at its most marked and comic later on – sadly behind the closed doors of Frogmore House – as 200 chosen ones danced the night away in a massive glass marquee erected in the 33-acre private gardens where the new Duke and Duchess of Sussex enjoyed picnics when they first began dating.
Only when they reached the 17th century English country house could the social media-parched celebrities share both their luck and the new outfits they had changed into with their millions of followers.
Priyanka Chopra changed into a glittery dress and Serena Williams into a stiff floral frock, while Meghan’s best friend Jessica Mulroney opted for an Oscar-tastic floor length gown.
The aristocratic contingent preferred to abstain and remain more discreet – noticeably absent from Twitter and Instagram.
The Hollywood set finally got to whoop, cheer and applaud as Harry made a touching off-the-cuff speech to his new wife, reportedly praising her “grace” and telling her, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you”. He also apparently joked that the Americans “wouldn’t steal the swords” to take back to show their friends.
As DJ Sam Totolee, who also played at Pippa Middleton’s wedding, started on the decks – hijacked later for a set by Idris Elba – the Brits will have begun the earnest attempt to drink themselves into the ground, a tradition that has got them through wedding parties since time immemorial. Apart from anything else they are physically incapable of dancing unless completely blotto.
“It’s just a shame Americans are so bloody abstemious,” sighed author Kathy Lette, reporting on the wedding for television networks.
“They’re all aquaholics, and meanwhile the Brits get bottle fatigue – so that’ll be the ultimate clash of cultures. If only we had been there to see it.” —
‘It’s just a shame Americans are so bloody abstemious ... They’re aquaholics’