What do men say about abuse of women?

Isn’t it startling how genderbased violence in SA continues to make headlines relentlessly, and profoundly, at institutions of higher learning.

The recent video of a male student assaulting a female student at the University of Fort Hare Alice campus has trended on social media platforms. It came after many resistance phenomena such #MenAre Trash, #NotInMy Name and #TotalShutDown which aimed to rectify this social ill. The assault at UFH followed the suicide of Rhodes student Khensani Maseko who was allegedly raped by her boyfriend.

Whilst cases such as these have not escaped our attention, my concern here is the ones that happen behind closed doors and often go unreported.

Until recently gender-based violence at institutions of higher learning did not receive the attention it is due and female students mostly suffered in silence despite being subjected to gruesome treatment by their male counterparts.

But why is GBV rampant at universities – despite students being literate, despite the policies and laws enacted by the government to address it?

Maybe failing to understand the ins and outs of GBV is the reason it persists. So what could we be missing? What more can students do? And what more can universities do to ensure students – female students – are safe?

It is bizarre that despite the continued cries and protests against GBV, violence against women continues. Are male students’ ears blocked to cries from these movements? And are demonstrations and protest even the right way to tackle the problem? Clearly far more than campaigning and protesting needs to be done because perpetrators of GBV seem not to be hearing.

GBV is pointedly by men against women. Therefore the argument is that it is male behaviour that needs to change, not that of females.

The problem is that this labels women as victims and leaves men with the sticky tag of perpetrators.

But what if men too are suffering silently? What if some have deep psychological problems that turn them into obnoxious souls who take out their anger on their female counterparts? Maybe the issue is not men but psychologically wounded men with distorted conceptions of manhood.

Traditionally GBV has been linked to patriarchal attitudes and power imbalances where men dominated and controlled women. Do these still exist in the minds of 21st century men, despite their witnessing women empowerment movements?

Female students are in the majority at UFH. Do male students raised in patriarchal societies find it difficult to deal with females pursuing fields once viewed as male domains?

There is another factor – pregnancy, which is high among students. What if this is the external part of many tears shed by young women, only heard behind the doors of locked rooms, and in the so-called relationships of cohabitation which are highly fashionable among students.

Why do female students continue falling pregnant in spite of free family planning offered at the university clinic, in spite of the risk of HIV/Aids and sexually transmitted diseases? Why do we behave with such ignorance, yet are supposedly the learned ones?

How is it that graduates are produced who are also rapists, or who are not concerned about their sexual health, future and purpose of being at university?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against pregnancy, my concern here is the rate of students falling pregnant at an age when they should be chasing their dreams. I believe there is more to this issue, that some men are apparently so ignorant that “No” is a loud “Yes” to them and consent is a meaningless word.

Meanwhile women embrace victim status. They accept everything dished out by men, even unprotected sexual encounters which lead to HIV/Aids, STDS and unplanned pregnancies for which men later deny responsibility. Female students end up dropping out to raise babies which they never wanted in the first place.

There is also alcohol and drug abuse which is high among students. Men use this as an excuse for abusing females who in turn are also alcohol and drug abusers, making themselves easy prey.

So, do we continue marching and making the loudest noises? As the old proverb says, empty vessels make the loudest noises. Maybe we are empty vessels? Maybe we’re standing in the front at protests as victims but are making so much noise we cannot hear the need for responsibility.

I think men should start talking and tell us why – why they are raping us, why they are assaulting us, why they are not hearing our cries.

I believe the answer to GBV lies with men. They have the solutions – what do they have to say? And surely if men can learn to be abusers they can also learn to stop abuse.

Gracelet Ndlovu is a student at UFH’s Alice campus