Travels of Delores Koan
A smart little paradise proffers many charms
Umtendwe, the most incredible private campsite and communal cottage complex, awaits me down in the forested river mouth.
Many a camper will tell tales of hanging out around the fire under huge milkwoods on the banks of the Umtendwe stream where it flows into the ocean when there is rain.
Today it is the buildings which grab my imagination.
They are built in thatched rondavel style and though the circular rooms are connected, each has its own private door and deck leading into the coastal dune forest or the parkland vlei under a canopy of acacia trees, now in full blossom.
The air is alive with their Eastern Cape perfume.
There is a little trail up the river and paths along the coast which lead past Black Rock cottages through an Eastern Cape Parks and Tourism Agency-sanctioned private reserve to Black Rock point itself with Quko or Bead Beach, Double Mouth reserve and the Morgan Bay sea cliffs in the distance.
We see wildlife everywhere but it is discreet.
I arrive at the tail end of a 20-person holiday party.
People have walked and swum and braaied, played games, read and talked. They had come from Cape Town and Joburg and immersed themselves in a week or three of laid-back bliss.
I am interested in the recreational or lifestyle model here.
The Umtendwe 15-bed complex was designed by an architect working under the directorship of four partners, comprising a journalism teacher, a disabled policy expert, an industrial development leader and a retired golf pro. It’s quite a brew of brus, but they have got it right.
The fittings and furnishings are proper and the influence of my disabled mate, Dominique Souchon, in the mix is palpable.
It is all about wheelchair access and not the gradient, he says at the lakka Haga Haga hotel.
“We call these rocket launchers!” Dom yells as he careens down the disabled ramp, and expertly takes a hairpin bend at the bottom.
One slip on the brakes, basically his hands on the wheels, and he was going to be bouncing off the wall! Umtendwe has lovely access to the loo, shower, bedroom and surf.
The beach is 30m away and Dom wheels himself out there where he gets onto a windsurfer board and is pushed into a swell.
Dom was an avid body surfer who was one of the first to use a hand plane.
Then he fell off a climb in the Magaliesberg kloofs and all his gear zippered sending him smashing into the base of the climb 18m below.
That was in ‘93 and here we are, in our 60s, he with his broken back and me with my rubbish lungs, two old ‘86 detention jailbirds, baljaaring at the sea again.
An old friend reacts to the picture of his wave riding and quips: “The return of the great white whale.” But I hug him and tell him I love him.
And, hey, we beat the security branch to get here.
I have become a beer fairy for Emerald Vale brewery and restaurant at Chintsa east.
One of the Umtendwe holidaymakers sends me a WhatsApp. She doesn’t know me, but she knows I am on my way there and could I please pick up six litres of gold ale along the way?
The butt-cheeked brassiness of this
Joburg boheme!
But I love any excuse to go to the brewery so I arrive at Umtendwe wondering if my vagabond budget has not been drained by some rich person-styled extravagance.
But I am greeted with such joy when it is announced that the “guy with the beer is here!” And the cash is pressed into my palm.
Shareholder Paul also loudly sets my status in the camp by telling all and sundry that: “The guy who is taking Dom to the airport has arrived!”
There are women in the camp. Accomplished and confident business people in fields of film, design and tourism.
And a cool dude called “Duck” who remembers me showing him how to write headlines using transferable lettersets for UCT’s student magazine Varsity 36 years ago!
Anthony is a super bright guy who strolls 12km after breakfast and will be heading back to Liberia where he provides financial skill and a calming presence.
I sneak a peak at his holiday read, a 2019 release of New York journo David WallaceWeeks’ The Uninhabitable Earth: Life After Warming (ISBN 978-0-525-57670-9 — can I read it after you?).
He heads back to Liberia with my Eastern Cape, semi-retired fingernails psychologically clawing to the book’s spine.
Dom and I have two more days here in paradise. As always, we will relish them as if they are our last.
See umtendwe.co.za or contact 071 850 7494.