The agony of being left behind
Emigration comes at an emotional cost for everyone, but elderly parents suffer the most. By
In 2017, Professor David Kaplan and Thomas Höppli from the University of Cape Town’s School of Economics conducted a private study using National Statistics Office data and found that the number of South Africans residing in 31 other countries had increased from 435,000 in 2000 to 820,000 in 2017.
Stats SA also recently published the Migration Profile Report for South Africa: A Country Profile 2023, saying that South Africa “has lost almost a million citizens to emigration since 2000”. The data also suggested that claims about a “brain regain” in the country were overly optimistic.
For South Africans, Europe is the most appealing region for residence, attracting 39.3% of migrants (this includes the UK). North America’s share is at 18.1%; Oceania at 29.9%; Asia at 2.2%; and Latin America and the Caribbean at 0.3%.
But what about those left behind?
Statistics rarely capture the whole story, and beyond the analysis of the numbers lies the profound impact on family relationships. Equally significant as the statistics are the shifts in social dynamics within families.
Emigration is often depicted as a solitary journey – an individual’s pursuit of new horizons and opportunities in a distant country. However, the reality is far more intricate, as the effects of emigration ripple through the lives of not just the emigrant but also of those left behind, particularly their closest family members.
Consider that for every emigrant who leaves, a void is created in the lives of their parents, siblings and beyond. It’s a ripple effect that multiplies, potentially doubling or even tripling the number of people affected when extended family members
like cousins, uncles and aunts are included. The 914,901 people who emigrated from South Africa by 2020 thus became two or three million or even more people being affected by emigration, in a country where family ties are deeply cherished.
For parents, it can evoke feelings of pride, mixed with a profound ache because of their absence. Siblings, who may have shared a lifetime of memories and dreams, suddenly find themselves navigating life’s milestones without their closest confidants. The emotional attachments nearest to the emigrant are the most affected, but ultimately, every affected relationship alters the family system in a different way, contributing to the complexity of the adjustment process.
The true impact of emigration on those remaining
The impact of emigration is often quantified through economic loss and skill shortages in critical sectors such as health and technology. However, this perspective overlooks the profound social and psychological repercussions for those who stay behind, particularly in South Africa, where the phenomenon has reshaped the fabric of many families.
As adult children emigrate, families become transnational families and are thus not defined by geographical boundaries or by limited timeframes.
A 2002 study by Helen B Miltiades sheds light on the profound impact of an adult child’s emigration on family dynamics and individual wellbeing. The study found that the absence of an emigrant child can lead to negative psychological effects on parents, who often suppress their desire for their child’s return in favour of the perceived prosperity abroad.
As individuals age, their reliance on family
for care and companionship increases.
Next to the support received from the spouse, the support of children has the most influence on the general wellbeing of the aged. Studies reveal the emotional and psychological vulnerability of those left behind intensifies, leading to a sense of loss, helplessness, loneliness, depression and anxiety, and a diminished quality of life.
Recognising these aspects is crucial to understanding the full spectrum of emigration’s impact, advocating a more holistic view that includes the effect on those remaining in South Africa.
Challenges for the ageing parents
Each parent’s emigration journey is unique and has its own psychosocial challenges and emotions. The adult children’s decision to emigrate left the South African parents interviewed with mixed emotions.
They experienced feelings of ambiguity, insecurity and fear, although they were relieved that their grandchildren would be raised in a more stable and secure country, with better educational prospects. The absence of their grandchildren complicates the situation, depriving grandparents of the joys of intergenerational relationships.
Further, the destination country plays an important role in the parents’ experience of their adult child(ren)’s emigration. Communication that was once effortless now requires deliberate effort, bridging time zones and cultural divides.
The time zone difference between the emigrant’s new location and their home country can make it challenging to find convenient times for communication.
For example, the time difference between South Africa and Australia ranges from six to eight hours ahead of local time, depending on the specific locations and daylight saving time. This makes it difficult to coordinate phone calls or video chats and can lead to less frequent communication and feelings of being disconnected.
The distance between the emigrant’s new home and their home country can also hinder regular visits to parents and family members. Long flights and the associated costs can act as barriers to frequent visits. The travel time for a flight from South Africa to Australia ranges from 11 to 14 hours.
In the case of Canada, the flight duration is 17 hours.
Another challenge emerges as a visa is required for South African passport holders to travel to most countries. Visits abroad require preparation, planning and organisation well in advance of the travel date. In addition to meeting all the health requirements, it is advised that health insurance is taken out for the full period of the intended visit to prove that one will be able to cover any medical costs that might arise.
Because of the very expensive and long international flights, emigrants may miss out on important family events and milestones, and their parents may feel a sense of loneliness or abandonment.
Although remittances from emigrant children can help ease financial burdens, they cannot replace the emotional connection and support that parents crave. The longing for familial closeness persists, taking a toll on the mental and emotional state of the elderly parents.
The absence of an emigrant child can lead to negative psychological effects on parents, who often suppress their desire for their child’s return in favour of the perceived
prosperity abroad
Beyond numbers
The stark statistic of one million individuals already having left South Africa accentuates the magnitude of this phenomenon.
Behind each data point lies a human story – of families struggling with the redefinition of their identities and of relationships strained by the vast distances that now separate them.
Emigration fundamentally alters the social and emotional dynamics in families, leaving a lasting imprint on the psychological wellbeing of all.
Although South African parents are comforted by the thought of new opportunities awaiting their children in their adopted land, they are also burdened by the inevitable change in the familial order while facing their elderly years with diminished familial support.