Talk is vital between parents and children

WHEN Shelley Prevost’s oldest child was 10, she and her husband signed him up for a Minecraft account.

Soon, she and her husband were worried their son was sick. He started to hate school and was sleeping late. The reason, they discovered, was that after she and her husband went to sleep, their son got up, found an iPad or computer, figured out the password, and played Minecraft until it was time to get up for school.

“I had worked so hard to be balanced and boundaried,” she said about the technology. “Everything I tried to do, we just felt in over our heads.”

She talked to friends, one who discovered her daughter using her phone in the middle of the night. Another said her daughter came to her after posting a video on YouTube in which she was wearing a bikini at a pool. A man from another country had tried to get the teen to contact him.

Prevost’s issues with her son were the impetus for her inventing a product called Torch, a wireless router that can act as an internet timer, filter and blocker. But, she said, she didn’t want this or any other product or app to be a substitute for conversation with her three children. “That’s the key: how do we use these tools as a conversation?”

As children of every age navigate the new world of devices, online games and social media sites, parents are attempting to clamp down in every way possible. Many have downloaded apps or software to block sites or monitor their child’s every online move. They retain passwords and the right to look at anything their tweens are doing on their phones. But one thing parents mustn’t forget is how to talk to their children so they can truly monitor what’s going on with devices and all that comes with them.

Let’s put it this way: your daughter could be crying in her room right now because of something she saw on Snapchat, explains Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping kids thrive in their digital world. But how would you know why she’s crying unless you’re talking with her? “The key is conversation,” she says.

Protecting teens, especially, is a two-step process, says Michael Oberschneider, a child psychologist and author of the children’s book Ollie Outside: Screen-free fun. “Have tons of conversations. And have guidelines in place as a family,” he said.

“And if you decide to use tracking software or apps, be open about it. You have to have some trust and respect.”

Other advice Oberschneider gives to parents: block adult content; designate screen-free zones in the house; technology use should be in public not their rooms; keep them busy; periodically check the browser history of your child or teen’s computer. Talk to your child or teen about appropriate behaviour that apply in both real and online worlds.

But the most important thing is to talk and have a relationship with tweens and teens. – The Washington Post