To get your kids to listen to you, try writing it all down
WHEN I speak to my kids, I often feel like the trombone in the Peanuts cartoons that plays instead of adult voices. And so I wonder how parents can make less noise and get more of what we want.
If my kids don’t listen, what if I can appeal to another sense? What if I use visual aids to show my kids the household routines, expectations and consequences?
This idea came from my sisterin-law. She has three kids, including one with autism. She and her husband have done a mighty job of finding help for their son and ideas for how to get him through his day. When I first started down the teenager path with my oldest child, I knew my sister-in-law could help me eliminate some of the weeds in my parenting and get on a more successful path with my kids. FOR THE KIDS… One day, a gear changed, and my son wanted to do everything himself. We were always late. We were all harried and frustrated.
My sister-in-law suggested putting together a chart with pictures of my son’s daily routine, in order: wake up (sun), go the toilet (underwear), eat breakfast (toast in toaster), etc. That night, I played around on the computer, downloading fonts and creating the chart that I wanted. I talked to Katherine McCalla, a psychologist at the Center for Autism and Related Disorders at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore, US about why visual aids work so well not just for kids with autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but for all kids.
“One of the things we know about children with autism is that many of them have stronger visual learning skills They can learn better when they see something than when they hear it,” she says.
My sister-in-law also suggested that we write down our expectations for behaviour and the consequences for not meeting them. The charts identify the types of behaviour we’re trying to modify or to encourage so we’re not just swatting away the small things that annoy us.For the parents…
The charts help parents, too. Now, when I’m weary and prone to impatience and irritation, I can instead be unemotional and go back to the charts. I point my son daily to the behaviour we want him to have as he grows up.
Another way to use visuals is to plan for one special thing you’re going to do with the kids each day. AS THE KIDS GROW UP… McCalla says visual supports can transition from pictures to written instructions.
“We have a calendar that tells us when we’re supposed to be where.”
No matter what area of child growth or parenting you want to address, writing things down should be part of the battle plan.
Have trouble getting your kids dressed in the morning? I saw a great idea on the Better Homes & Gardens website to take a hanging five-shelf organiser and stamp the letters of the week on the back of the cubes. Sit down with (or without) your kids and put together outfits for the week.
For older kids who can read and want to know what’s for dinner on Thursday, try a fun magnetic menu board. I’ve also seen a cute idea with two jars and Popsicle sticks with chores – sticks move from one jar to another as the child completes daily or weekly tasks.
And one last suggestion from McCalla: if you’ve tried versions of these ideas and your kids are still struggling to follow instructions or complete daily routines, or if they’re experiencing difficulty with tantrums, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. – The Washington Post