THIS AND THAT michelle cahill More than one reason to cry

THERE is a character in the animated series The Simpsons called Nelson Muntz. Now Nelson has been 10 for the last 29 years and is the bully of the school. Everytime Nelson wants to be nasty he uses his distinctive laugh and catchphrase,

“Ha Ha!”

Nelson says the laugh with the emphasis on the first “Ha,” so it sounds like “HA-ha!”.

Nelson usually uses the laugh when something bad happens to another character. Sometimes, after he uses the laugh, he says why he is laughing at the person.

Today I feel like Nelson. All I want to “say” to the Grade 1 pupils is “Ha Ha!” You innocent little blighters – you honestly have no concept of what you have been forced into.

Now let me tell you why I’m saying “Ha Ha” ... your 12+ years of torture is only just beginning.

I don’t blame you for your tears. Cry them tears, let it all out … because you will probably be shedding a whole lot more in the years to come.

For those sitting in a seat, in a structured building, consider yourself extremely lucky. At least your parents can afford to have you there.

According to the South African Survey 2016, the main reason why pupils aged seven to 18 do not attend an educational institution, 2009 and 2013, is that there was no money for fees.

In 2009 27.9 percent did not attend school as a result of not having funds, while in 2013 the figure actually dropped 25.4 percent.

In one way, you are the lucky ones. Society, being what it is today, would in all likelihood give you a “Ha Ha!” and tell you that your parents are poor and continue to “Ha Ha!” you, telling you that you are probably dirty, smelly, not wearing the proper uniform and, if you do have a pair of hand-me-down shoes, they probably have holes in and you more than likely do not have socks to wear.

Life is inherently cruel and children are usually the worst at displaying it, in most cases it comes from the parent.

I also have to inform you little Grade 1s, you will probably have a Nelson in your class or out on the playground.

There will always be that one, so your tears on the first day will definitely not be your last.

Then, if you happen to make it to high school in one piece, I have to tell you it gets much, much worse … and the Nelson’s get bigger and scarier.

If you happen to be middle-class citizens – which the majority of people in South Africa are – you probably will still be wearing the hand-me-downs where your school uniform is either way too big or way too small, where you probably have to invite your blazer sleeves down to the party. So there you are, obviously not by choice, but the sitting duck to be made fun of.

When I was in high school, our prescribed uniform included girls to preferably wear lace-ups like the boys.

That was like totally “urghh”. To fit in, I would constantly purposefully break my lace-ups so that I could just have normal school shoes.

It didn’t help much as my mom would either just have them repaired or force me to wear a pair of my elder sisters’ old scuffed-up shoes.

When the supply had run out, she got a pair of brown bowling shoes from my grandmother and I was forced to wear those. I can assure you that I cried many, many more tears than I did on my first day at school.

Now, scarred for life and many, many hours with a psychologist later, you enter university.

By this time, hopefully they would have sorted out the whole free higher education debacle, and you will not have to pay for your studies, but you might not get into the course you want. So more tears then as well.

Hopefully by this time your Nelson’s will either be in prison or running daddy’s company in some far-flung corner of the earth.

So as your school career starts …“Ha Ha!” … good luck!