Enough to take one’s breath away
NOT MANY of my friends put out ashtrays any more. The few remaining smokers I know have become rather furtive and tend to sidle out into the garden from time to time to take a secretive puff.
How things have changed!
It’s not so long ago since smoking represented the height of sophistication and your particular brand told the world what kind of person you imagined yourself to be.
Peter Stuyvesant smokers saw themselves as the glamorous active folk who skied on alpine slopes and sipped cocktails in fashionable resort bars.
Lexington smokers were Men of Action who kicked the prairie dust from their cowboy boots before taking a long, well-deserved puff.
The Rothmans man leaned on the rail of his luxury yacht and took a deep lungful as he squinted toward the setting sun.
The Gunston men parachuted from mountain pinnacles and rafted down foaming torrents while flashing well-sculpted torsos.
Now, of course, it’s illegal to glamourise smoking, so the addicts creep out to light up behind the private hedge so they don’t contaminate the virtuous folk getting healthily drunk indoors.
The World Health Organisation recently published figures showing that seven million people across the world die annually from tobacco-related diseases.
A German research group published figures at about the same time, claiming that air pollution killed 8.8 million people worldwide in 2015.
It would seem that you’re in more danger if you just stand and breathe than you are if you smoke.
The statistics don’t show how many smokers are killed annually by pollution or how much of the air pollution is actually caused by smokers.
It’s rather an emotive issue.
The moment you start muttering about the evils of smoking somebody is sure to tell you: “My grandfather smoked 50 cigarettes a day and lived to be 98 years old.”
You’ll probably also hear somebody say: “My cousin never smoked in his life and died of lung cancer at the age of 46.”
My private theory is that many modern people are so besotted with their health that they forget to live their lives.
I’ve been at many gatherings in recent months where the conversation has turned to health matters, and the next thing you know you’re hearing about statins and probiotics and daily fibre intake and polyunsaturates and the number of capsules your doctor prescribed and the benefits of cannabis oil or crocodile tears for treating groin itch.
Medical science has made amazing advances, but I’m prepared to leave it to the experts. I don’t need to know how a computer works in order to send an e-mail.
Last Laugh
Two fathers were discussing their children.
“Last Christmas I spent a thousand bucks on a really great toy for my boy. It was a car that you could actually ride in. He just looked at it briefly and spent the rest of the day playing in the box it came in.”
“That’s typical,” said his friend.
“Yeah. But this year I’m giving him a case of whisky.”