Religious festivals spawn deranged idiots

WHAT is it about religious festivals that turns normally sane people into deranged idiots? Christmas is bad enough, with its solar-powered electric reindeer, plastic holly and aerosol snow in a spray can (in the middle of an African summer, for goodness sake!). Now we have headline news stories saying that “bunny sanctuaries” are experiencing an overload of abandoned rabbits.

I had no idea bunny sanctuaries even existed.

It seems people with more money than sense find it appropriate to celebrate Easter by buying live rabbits and giving them to children.

This is apparently meant to be related in some way to the very holy Christian festival of Easter.

I have even seen advertisements offering bunny-ear caps for your cat. And I assume there must be people out there who will actually buy them and put them on to their horrified cats, allowing them to look like long-tailed rabbits for just long enough to pose for a photograph to send to cousin Judy in America.

In other publications there are

photographs of rabbits and day-old chickens that have been dyed pink to celebrate the religious festival.

Has the human race finally lost its collective marbles?

All these ridiculous Easter gimcracks are, of course, manufactured in China (what isn’t?).

I imagine there are many Chinese factory workers wondering what on earth they’re actually producing.

“Honourable Wu Ling, why are we making two million sets of false rabbit ears for cats in the Year of the Pig?”

“It is not for us to understand the ways of the inscrutable West, honourable Ping Lo.

“As long as their religion requires false ears for cats we will continue to supply them.

“Religions create many fantastic beasts.

“Over the years we have seen crocodile-headed gods along the

Nile River and elephant-headed gods on the banks of the sacred Ganges.

“We should hardly raise an eyebrow at the thought of a long-tailed rabbit or a rabbit-eared cat.”

The fact that this mystical rabbit WHEN Kimberley’s Ntebogang Segone graduates today on the Dean’s Merit List–- in recognition of constant academic excellence with a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Cape Town, he will dedicate his graduation to the woman who made his dream a reality.

According to UCT’S Communication and Marketing Department, Segone’s mother, Lettie Segone, has always been his number one supporter, and his degree today is her return on investment.

Segone grew up in Vuyolethu Shellays eggs should also come as no surprise.

Religions produce many mysteries that are beyond the comprehension of non-believers.

I would not be surprised to learn that Chinese engineers are hard at work producing prototype drones in the shape of flying broomsticks. They should be on the supermarket shelves in time for Halloween.

Watch the newspapers for reports of the first airliner to be grounded after a witch strike.

In the meantime, please take note that pink dye is just as embarrassing to a rabbit as false ears are to a cat. Please don’t do it.

Last Laugh

A sweet little old lady was astonished when her cat produced a litter of kittens.

“I can’t understand how it could have happened,” she said to the vet.

“She never leaves the flat and has no contact with any male cats. Her kittens are a complete mystery to me.”

The vet pointed to a large tomcat stretched out on the sofa.

“What about him?” he asked. “Oh, don’t be silly,” said the lady. “That’s her brother.” ters in Kimberley with no electricity and just three communal taps shared between 45 shacks. His mother single-handedly raised seven children, her own two and her sibling’s five, on her domestic worker’s salary. When she lost her job, she joined a stokvel so that there was always food in the house.

Attending Kimberley Boys’ High School, Segone thrived, particularly in mathematics, for which he received a distinction in matric. His results ensured him a place at UCT but he struggled to secure funding for tuition, accommodation and food.

Segone approached the Northern Cape Premier’s Office seeking assistance. Because of a long working relationship with the Premier’s Office, which included co-founding a tutoring programme, he was able to secure

R70 000. While this wasn’t enough to cover all his expenses, he saw it as “a sign from God”.

With the funding, his mother’s blessing and the promise of temporary accommodation with a friend, Segone took the bus from Kimberley to Cape Town, the longest trip he had made on his own.

As orientation week approached and still without a place to call home, Segone considered off-campus accommodation. But the cheapest room he could find was R3 000 a month. Although his mother offered to pay – it was R600 more than her monthly salary – Segone couldn’t accept her generosity.

A few days before the start of term, he heard he’d got into Kilindini Residence. At registration, Segone discovered that he needed to choose a second major and electives and settled on physics as his second major.

Faced with courses he had felt rushed to choose, along with little understanding of how the university functioned and its support structures, Segone was academically excluded in his first year. He knew he could do better, but his application for readmission was unsuccessful.

After finding out the reasons and explaining his situation to the relevant academics, Segone was reinstated on a probationary basis.

He changed his academic programme, swopping physics for a politics and governance major, stuck to a timetable and took full advantage of lectures, tutorials and other support structures.

Outside of academics, he served as co-chair of the Institutional Forum and successfully ran for the students’ representative council (SRC). During their tenure, the SRC helped raise over R2 million for students in financial difficulty.

He finished the probation period with an 80% average, attended two international leadership programmes, was elected president of the Black Management Forum and finished the academic year with a 70% average.

Segone has since started his honours in public administration and policy. And while he would like to study further, he plans to enter the workplace as soon as he graduates again in a year’s time.

“I’m black at the end of the day. As a black individual, you need to understand that you are here at the university to get a better job, so you can provide for your family. I would love to study further but in reality, as a poor person, I just don’t have the luxury.”

Should there be a way he can study further and send money home, Segone would certainly consider a longer life in academia.

But for now, he’s focused on graduation preparations. So far, six family members will join the celebrations in Cape Town. Among those attending are his mother and his sister. Their plans for the family’s first university graduation began as early as January 2017. – Staff Reporter