Stories from the veld

THE BEST and worst kind of a book is the one that makes your soul say, “I wish I’d written that”. It’s best because you are, by definition, going to enjoy reading it. It’s worst because you kick yourself black and blue in jealous admiration of “men of action”, like David Bristow, who, while you were drawing up plans and assessing priorities, went right ahead and did it.

What David’s done is Of Hominins, Hunter-gatherers and Heroes – Searching for 20 Amazing Places in South Africa. Stories from the Veld II.

And if you think that’s ambitious, you ain’t seen nothing yet. That’s a mere 19 words (though divided on the cover into an awe-inspiring 10 different typefaces).

Last year’s model (modestly mentioned but once, in the current book’s last paragraph) was Stories from the Veld: The Game Ranger, the Knife, the Lion and the Sheep: 20 Tales about Curious Characters from South Africa.

That’s 23 words! Anybody got the Guinness Book of Records’ phone number?

I can say no more of Volume

I. I can certainly say that Volume II works for me. He gets to places you’re happy to meet, like from Mont-aux-sources to Sutherland; to the Garden Route; to Cape Point; to Mapungubwe, the place that he reprimands my generation for calling it the War Museum (now the Museum of Military History).

Telling us of these places he’s unchained. He deals with every aspect he likes – from the history and the geography to frequent current disarray and worries like a co-visitor’s concern that Hogsback fails to display a gentrified artsy central core like Clarens.

Of course, reckons David, Hogsback has “unfathomable enchantments” like “magical feelings of mountains, forests, fragrant pine plantations, chattering streams and billowing waterfalls”, populated by a “motley accumulation of mavericks, eccentrics, recluses, artists and various shades of nonconformists in cabins – in the forest and along back roads and lanes”.

He is not hesitant with his plaudits but neither with his thwacks. Where is the Garden of the Garden Route? Much of it is obscured behind “runaway holiday towns” and unsightly obstructions like Mossel Bay’s

Mossgas – “if ever a town had a visible alimentary canal that has to be it”.

I don’t think Mossel Bay is putting David up for Freedom of the Town any time shortly, but you will concede that is a neat, if slightly revolting, line.

Standing on the slopes of Isandlwana – the battle that “proved you can take a spear to a gunfight and win” – he finds overwhelmingly deep emotions rising within him, hearing the vast swarm of impis banging their shields and crying in unison “Usuthu”and “Bayete”.

You can hear the artillery battery blasting away, the Martini-henrys popping like pork crackling in a huge red-hot skillet, the screaming and the crying.

“The smoke causes tears to form in the corners of your eyes. Strong people have stood here, the smoke in their eyes also causing tears to form.”

Mr Bristow can get serious, along with other emotions, leaving you with a revised perspective on places from household names – Kruger Park and the President Oom Paul as its presumed godfather – to places you never heard of (Heerenlogement?) and places you never saw as needing thought at all, like Cape Point.

Thanks, David Bristow. For the second edition, convert a few principles” into “principals”, will you? NEW DELHI: Tens of thousands of runners have signed up for the Indian capital’s half-marathon and other races on Sunday, officials said, despite the air quality hitting dangerous levels in one of the most heavily polluted cities in the world.

New Delhi’s air quality index was about 300 yesterday, classified as very poor and signifying prolonged exposure could cause respiratory illness.

Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal, who has described the city as a “gas chamber” in winter, has called for emergency precautions.

Hours ahead of and throughout the race, the course will be sprayed with water. – Reuters ROME: The Vatican has launched “Click to Pray” rosary beads that connect to smartphones in a bid to attract younger, more digital-savvy generations to the church.

The “erosary” can be worn as a bracelet and connected to smartphones by a mobile app activated by making the sign of the cross. The rosary bracelet by Click to Pray is compatible with an IOS and Android app. It features 10 black agate and hematite rosary beads and a silver “smart cross”.

Once activated, the Click to Pray app allows the wearer to pray the standard rosary, a contemplative rosary or a themed rosary. It tracks the wearer’s progress during each prayer. It also contains a selection of prayers and songs. – Daily Mail