Fairlady - - YOUR SAY -

WIN­NING LET­TER An­other per­spec­tive on di­vorce

The ar­ti­cle ‘Should you stay to­gether for the kids? (Jan­uary 2017) has not left my thoughts since I read it. Dis­cussing the topic with oth­ers, it be­came clear, within my cir­cle at least, that much of what the ar­ti­cle says goes against the grain. I greatly ap­pre­ci­ated hear­ing an al­ter­na­tive ar­gu­ment about di­vorce – it was what I needed to hear.

The two things that struck home most were, first, about mourning the loss of your mar­riage the mar­riage and, sec­ond, restor­ing your sense of self­worth as lov­able. I am in a dif­fi­cult re­la­tion­ship and I have been un­happy for some time. My hus­band has been de­pressed for so long, and all his en­ergy goes into cop­ing and be­ing a fa­ther, leaving noth­ing for me and us. At best, I feel I share chil­dren with a grumpy house­mate. At worst, it feels as if we are all held hostage to his misery.

To avoid run­ning into the arms of an­other last year, I de­cided to see a ther­a­pist. The jour­ney has helped me to ap­pre­ci­ate that I am lov­able and wor­thy of love whether or not I am loved at present in this re­la­tion­ship. This has greatly re­duced our fight­ing. I find I have a lit­tle more com­pas­sion for my­self and much less re­sent­ment to­wards my hus­band. I don’t know ex­actly what lies ahead; there are many bro­ken things that need at­ten­tion from us. What I do know is that I am in a stronger, wiser, calmer place and that I have the strength to make con­sid­ered de­ci­sions about what is best for me and for our chil­dren.

I am writ­ing in the hopes that my words might en­cour­age some­one else.

Name with­held

Ed: I hope the com­pas­sion­ate space you have worked so hard to build has pos­i­tive re­sults for all of you this year.

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